Free Being Kalli by Rebecca Berto

and rubs the side of her head. “You’re the hoe. What was that for?”
    Maybe I’m more excited than I realise. But I need a distraction from everything, and parties always help.
    I settle down in the dorm on her roomie’s bed and cross my legs. Her roommate either thinks I’m contagious or is one of the many who steer clear from my path. I have a “stay away” vibe. Today Scout’s roomie took one look at me as I appeared at their door, then she gathered whatever was in front of her into her shoulder bag and darted out.
    The room is tight, but cos y with just the two of us when we have a bed to ourselves. I drop my hands on my lap and wait with expectant eyes.
    Scout eyes me back warily but I start explaining. “To help you get excited with me.”
    Scout chews on her lip, digesting this. “Yeah, but don’t we have more than enough parties at uni? I’m falling behind on an assignment. I’ve got two due early next week, and I’ve only started one.”
    Deciding I’m too far, I grab three pillows and stuff them on the floor a couple of feet from Scout and sit in position. Reaching out to grab her leg, I say, “We can use that as an incentive! You help me with my assignment and I’ll help you with yours, then we part- ay .”
    The one good thing about Scout and I is we are as dedicated to rocking out at parties as we are at the serious issues. I play mum often enough to realise nothing comes easy or free. And when you get it, it’s only after pushing yourself further than you thought you could.
    Scout’s parents were rich enough to pay for all Scout’s university needs. That said, her dad’s had two affairs, her mum had one afterwards out of spite, and her sister overcame a near drowning as a toddler. Her family hasn’t always been happy or privileged.
    Suddenly, Scout’s stiff facial features crack and a smile peeks at the corner of her mouth. I always know how to convince my best friend.
    “No, no, missy. I know exactly why you’re doing this. It makes complete sense now.”
    Uh-oh . What have I done to myself?
    “You want an excuse to shake your slutty ass at that Donovan guy again! I saw him watching you on campus this week.”
    I realis e my first response shouldn’t have been, “He did?” but rather, “No, I have forgotten about him.” Oops! Too late now.
    “Oh, yeah. You know when you had that tight miniskirt on? Man , I think he dialled ninety degrees and watched you until you became a haze in the distance. I literally could have sat on him like he was a bench.”
    Since I have her leg, I yank and she comes tumbling to the floor with all her limbs flailing everywhere. She gets on her knees and starts punching me, but her arms are the size of Heidi Klum’s so I assume a Barbie would hurt more if it were thrown at me. My spaghetti arms are no different so we slap around on the floor, cracking jokes, each a lower blow than the last.
    “You want Donovan hard.”
    “You want that chick you licked up at that last party.”
    “You want to taste Donovan’s sweaty, hairy balls!”
    “You’re a lesbo who wants to lick that chick’s—”
    At that, Scout comes flying over me and clamps a hand to my mouth, which I lick at. This removes her fast and effectively.
    She’s strangely quiet after this. She offers me a smile, which I’m as likely to accept as her choosing a silver ring over a gold one. She mumbles something and starts fixing up the sheets and clothes and objects strewn everywhere.
    “Hey, Scout,” I say tenderly, stopping her from spring-cleaning her already clean room. “I’m sorry if I took the joke too far. I haven’t met her, and if you like her it doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I’m happy because I think it’s time you had another partner. That Jack guy wasn’t worth your time or this nine-month abstinence from relationships.”
    Just weird that she got so defensive like that.
    “Come on, I don’t like her, Kalli. Ack. I’m not a les bian.”
    I wink. Good