Free Jordan (Season Two: The Ninth Inning #5) by Lindsay Paige, Mary Smith

pounding headache this morning which made my head feel as if it was going to split apart makes me want to cringe, but when I think about the fact that maybe I broke through with Heidi, I feel on top of the world. I don’t remember every single little thing that was said, but I definitely remember kissing her before she ran away.
    I tap my pen on the legal pad. I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table in front of this blank sheet of paper for too long. I can’t decide if I should start with I’m sorry or with something else. If I want to drop this off before dinner with the team, I need to get busy. With a deep breath, I start writing.
     
    To my wife,
    I wish I could say last night was the first time I’ve been drunk in a long time, but it’s not. Shocking, right? Overall, I’m not a fan of alcohol past a beer or two, but sometimes, with the life I have now, it’s hard to deal with and alcohol is oddly soothing for a few hours. So, I’m sorry Colby dragged you over here. I should probably apologize for everything I said and did, but I’m not going to.
    This divorce, you walking away, it’s killing me. It’s hard to fathom that two people who still love each other are willingly (for you, anyway) walking away from one another. You can’t argue with me on that. I love you. You love me. That hasn’t changed.
    Everything else has. For you, anyway.
    What’s going to happen afterward?
    Last night, you told me there will always be room for me in your life. How? You’re leaving me. You don’t want to see me now more than you have to. Guess you didn’t mean that. Even if you did, if this gets finalized, I’ll write one last letter and stay away from you and your parents. The most you’ll have to worry about is running into me if I visit Eden. Memories will be all I can handle and will be all I’ll have.
    Do you know how badly I want to go over there and shake you by the shoulders? This is so stupid to me, Heidi. Since I fell in love with you, I’ve thought about our future, our marriage, and our kids. I thought about how I would do anything to make you happy. I would fight for you and for us. I would never give up no matter how hard things were. I thought I married the kind of person who was the same way.
    You used to be that person.
    You still are, if you would dig deep and find her.
    Instead, you’re scared and closed up. You’re hurting. You’re selfish. You’re struggling. You’re barely living. You’re weak. You’re angry.
    But, Heidi, you’re also more than just those things.
    You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re independent. You’re stubborn. You’re brave. You’re caring. You’re passionate. You’re talented. You’re selfish (in a sort of good way this time). You’re a wonderful daughter who has proud parents. You were a loving mom who Eden would have been so grateful to have as she grew up. You’re an amazing wife who has a husband who just wants you back.
    Even on the worst days, you’re still all those things.
    Don’t forget about those parts of yourself. I haven’t. It’s why I’m still waiting and fighting and never giving up.
    With all my love,
    Your husband
     
    I glance at the clock and realize I need to get going. I tear the paper off, fold it, and slip it into an envelope. Once I’ve grabbed my keys and wallet, I walk outside. It doesn’t take long for me to drive to her shop. Usually, I’d sneak a quick glance through the windows to see if I can spot Heidi, but I don’t have time today. I hurry to put it under her windshield wiper and get back into my car. I have five minutes to be at Hector’s house.
    Today is Tanner’s birthday and since he has been going on and on about it for a week, we’re having a party. He didn’t really give us a choice. Hector volunteered to host if someone else dealt with the food and alcohol. I think some of the girlfriends got together to do that and we’re supposed to help cover the costs.
    All for the youngest guy on the