Free A Hopeless Romantic by Harriet Evans

say more than that, but I can’t. I’m sorry, Rachel. I know I’ve been useless.”
    “That’s exactly it,” Rachel said, looking grave. “Laura, look, the problem is you don’t know you’ve been useless. You’ve had three formal warnings—this is your third.” She leaned forward, her dark brown eyes huge, full of concern. “That’s why I have to suspend you. You’re lucky you’re getting that, you know. I should just be firing you, but, oh, Laura, I think you’re so good. I just—I just don’t understand it!”
    A tear rolled down her cheek. Laura watched it as it splashed onto her personnel file.
    Rachel went on, “You’re rude to the volunteers, you’re hopelessly disorganized, nothing ever seems to get done. Four schools didn’t have any reading programs in place for the new year just because you hadn’t got the forms and police checks sorted out. And you know how desperate those schools were for help.”
    “They—”
    “And the fund-raising,” Rachel said. “You know we’re looking for a big cash injection. You know how crap funding is this year. You were in charge of it, and you’ve done nothing about it, have you?”
    “Well…” said Laura. “Linley Munroe—Marcus Sussman—I was going to contact them for the…but then he…”
    “Oh, Laura,” said Rachel softly. She swallowed. “It’s just—I just don’t understand why you, of all people…why you’ve lost interest, why you don’t even seem to care.”
    “I do care!” Laura said. “I do. It’s just…I’ve been crap.”
    As she said it, she realized how inadequate the words were. How she was someone who’d always prided herself on getting the job done, not letting people down; how she’d scorned others for their blinkered approach, their inability to get off their arses and do something to make a difference in their lives, other people’s lives. More than a hundred children, the ones who most needed some individual attention, had been let down by her. Money that could really make a positive difference in someone’s life, perhaps permanently—not there, just because she never got round to it. Because she was thinking about herself. About her and Dan. And Amy. She was the blinkered one. She heard Jo’s voice clearly in her head: “Don’t you ever learn?”
    “And the holiday,” Rachel was saying. “You’ve never cleared it with me, never asked for time off. You know we have to clear it with each other. Everyone else in the office will be away, I couldn’t have let you go then in any case.”
    “Well, I’m going,” Laura said stubbornly.
    “I know you are, love,” Rachel said. She smiled sadly. “It doesn’t matter what you do anymore. I’m suspending you, effective immediately. You’ll be on thirty percent of your pay, and we’re getting someone in from Lambeth to cover your job. Our school programs finish next week. I want you to take at least two weeks to think about things. A fortnight, okay? And then we’ll call you back in after the school term is over and see where we are.”
    “See where we are?”
    Rachel shuffled the papers on her desk. “Well. Where we are with a view to reinstating you. Or whether we have to…make this permanent.”
    Surely this wasn’t really happening. Surely they were just threatening her. It was a bad dream and she’d wake up in a minute. She was a responsible person, a working girl, like all her friends. How would she explain it to them? To her parents? To her grandmother? She didn’t get…suspended, it was ridiculous!
    “But what will I tell everyone?” Laura said angrily. “You can’t do this to me. You really can’t, seriously. This is fucking ridiculous.”
    “No, it’s not,” Rachel said. Her voice was distant, unfamiliar, suddenly. “I just don’t get it, honestly I don’t, Laura. I’d always thought you were one of the best, the brightest of all of us. I hoped one day you’d run the program, or become an adviser, a consultant, perhaps even