Free I'm Not Julia Roberts by Laura Ruby Page B

if you think about it. I almost feel bad for him.
    Beasmom: I feel bad for him.
    BeaFREE40: I said
almost.
    Beasmom: Bea, honey, can you just call me on the phone? I know you bought me this computer and set everything up, but typing on this thing makes my joints ache.
    May 29, 1998
To: [email protected]
Fr: [email protected]
    Mitch:
    I met someone. And I’m starting to think it could be going somewhere.
    I’m freaking terrified.
    Ward
    May 4, 1998
    Beatrix:
    When you say that you don’t know what’s more important than your plans, you mean you don’t understand what’s more important than YOU.
    Forget it, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be around that evening.
    Ward
    May 1, 1998
    Ward:
    Frankly, I don’t understand what’s more important than this. Can’t you just move your plans to another date?
    Beatrix
    April 28, 1998
    Beatrix:
    The plans are fine, except for the bit about Sunday. You’ll drop them off between 5 and 10? Can you narrow that down a bit? I had plans for that night. . . .
    Ward
    April 15, 1998
    Ward:
    The wedding is planned for Saturday the 23rd—I enclosed a copy of the invitation so that you have the details. As the boys are an integral part of the ceremony, I would like to have them from Friday evening for the rehearsal dinner through Sunday evening, when we leave for our honeymoon. We’ll drop them off at your house sometime between 5 pm and 10. We’ll be in Paris for ten days, returning on the 5th. I’ll pick the boys up from school on the 8th.
    Please confirm these schedule changes with me at your earliest convenience.
    Beatrix
    March 15, 1998
To: [email protected]
Fr: [email protected]
    Hey, Annie,
    Remember that blind date I told you about? The one with that dad guy? The one I was absolutely dreading? Yeah, um, well . . . wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually, it was good. More than good. Even with the tucking the shirt in thing that all dads do. (Is this some sort of dad rule? Tucking AND belts?) Anyway, he’s smart and funny, with curly hair, great hands. Talented hands, if you know what I mean. Talented everything. I know we nice girls aren’t supposed to sample the wares before the third date, but I couldn’t help myself.
    Geez, I hope he calls me, cause otherwise I’m going to feel like the proverbial ho. (Uh, is that a proverb????)
    Lu
    February 16, 1998
    Beatrix:
    This is the third time I’ve requested that you file the quit claim deed on the house. I’d rather not go through the lawyer about this, but if it’s not filed by next month, I’ll have to.
    Ward
    January 4, 1998
To: [email protected]
Fr: [email protected]
    Mitch:
    It’s D-Day. My own personal D-Day. I almost can’t believe it. I’m a single man.
    Things had been going pretty smoothly for a while. No fights, none of her stupid ass notes, no fighting me every time I come to pick up the boys. I even shook hands with that guy she’s shacked up with. (The boys seem to think he’s OK, so that’s something.) I was nervous to see Beatrix in court. She looked good, lost a little weight, the works. But as we were going through it, as the judge decided this and that, I realized something important. I loved her, I totally loved her, but I never really liked her. She’s picky, she’s literal, she’s demanding, she loves to get on her high horse and ride the thing till he’s dead. I don’t want to be with that kind of person. The kind of person who, if you fell off your bike and broke your leg, would yell at you for riding irresponsibly instead of asking if you were OK.
    And while I was having these thoughts, I noticed something else. Her shoes. She wore these red shoes that I bought for her way back when we were dating, these “mary-janes” she always loved. I think it was a slam, you know? I think she was trying to tell me that she could kick up her heels without me.
    So I know you’ll say that I’m reading too much into the whole thing, but I don’t think I am. I think that’s