Free If I Return by Sawyer Bennett, The 12 NAs of Christmas

how good I felt, telling me that he was thankful he had met me. And once... he even said, “I’m going to miss this.”
    His words and attentiveness to me were so at odds with the way he reiterated that there would be nothing more between us three days from now. It hurt my heart, and after he came the second time, he drifted off into a deep and soundless sleep.
    Now I’m the one that is wide awake with my head spinning. I tell myself, over and over again, this is nothing more than a fling.
    My brain says to enjoy it while it lasts, because there is no future for Jack and me.
    My heart?
    Well... it tells my brain to shut the fuck up.

 
     
     
     
     

     
    I take another sip of my wine, trying to push it down past the lump in my throat. Today has been brutal and I want nothing more than to curl up in Audrey’s room and go to sleep.
    This morning was awful and it’s only getting worse.
    I woke up in an empty bed after finally having drifted off to sleep around four AM, which was the last time I had checked the bedside clock. When I opened my eyes, I noticed Jack sitting on a chair, fully dressed and watching me.
    “Hey,” I said, my words sleep filled.
    “Hey.”
    He stood up from the chair and walked over to his dresser. He grabbed his watch and latched it onto his wrist. “I’ve decided to go skiing with the group today. Hate to miss that snow.”
    Jack turned to look at me, and I saw a flash of guilt in his eyes. I didn’t fail to notice what was missing from that statement. He didn’t ask me to come, which meant he didn’t want me to come.
    “We’ll probably be out all day,” he continued, “and then we have the rehearsal dinner and Bachelor party, so I’m not sure if I’ll get to see you at all today.”
    I didn’t respond, just watched him. The guilt in his eyes increased. “It might be a good idea to take your stuff back to Audrey’s room... you know... in case, we don’t get a chance to see each other. So you can have your things.”
    His last words drifted off lamely, as they should.
    It appeared the fling had come to an end.
    Standing from the bed, I reached over to my pile of discarded clothes and started to pull them on.
    “Sure,” I told him. “No problem.”
    I glanced at Jack and saw that he was watching me get dressed. The guilty look was gone, and desire shone hot in his eyes. But he didn’t make a move toward me.
    I made short work of packing up my stuff and, when I was done, I walked past Jack toward the door. My chest seemed to be cramping with an unknown feeling and damn if I didn’t feel the prickle of tears in my eyes.
    Jack reached his hand out and touched my arm, causing me to look up at him. “Maybe I’ll see you later, okay?”
    I gave him a smile, hoping it was cheerful enough to hide my pain. “Yeah, that would be great.”
    He didn’t say anything else as I walked out the door, and thus was the way my crappy day started almost sixteen hours ago.
    The rehearsal dinner was earlier this evening and no amount of begging or pleading by Audrey could get me to go. Even though I wasn’t part of the wedding, Jenna insisted I come, but I stubbornly refused and ordered room service.
    Getting out of the Bachelorette party was a little more difficult. Audrey resorted to tears, a slimy tactic on her part that I’ve never been able to refuse. She knew something was wrong with me, and she was smart enough to know it was about Jack. But no matter how many questions she asked, I just breezily told her things were great and nothing was wrong.
    But everything was wrong. I’m miserable that Jack has given me the brush off and the last thing I wanted to do was go party with a bunch of girls. However, once Audrey pulled that teary shit on me, I capitulated and agreed.
    We had spent the better part of the night in downtown Asheville, where I sipped on a single glass of wine for most of the night. Now, here we are back at the Inn, and apparently waiting for the guys to get back from