Free The Years Between by Leanne Davis Page B

live more in the Army than with her. It was a shock to me. I wasn’t a very good husband to her.”
    “And somehow you think I am going to motivate you to want to stay home more? If you didn’t want to with Gretchen, why would you ever think you’d want to with me ? I mean, I’m an awful choice for that dream you just described.”
    “You just don’t get it, do you? I love you in ways I’ve never loved anyone. Ever. I didn’t even know I could feel this way. I thought I loved Gretchen. That’s what I’m telling you. I married her, believing I was completely in love with her. How I felt for her was as deep as my feelings can be. But then, you came along. And I knew it wasn’t. I loved her, but not like I love you. I can’t even describe the difference. It’s shocking. I know now, what she felt for me was not what I felt for her. I regret the years I took from her. But I know now that the reason it never felt right to want that life with Gretchen was because I didn’t love her enough for it to feel right. I love you enough. So it’s right.”
    She sighed and leaned into his chest. He really scared her when he said things like that. There was so much that could go wrong for them. So much she could do that would destroy them. She ruined so much in her life; how could she not destroy this?
    ****
    They left Disneyland for Huntington Beach, where the world disappeared for them. Their small, condo was self-equipped so they hibernated. They walked on the beach and stared at the ocean at sunset. They walked on the pier and let the sunshine dry out their souls. They lived the life that most normal, happy couples enjoy at some point. They lived for each other. They talked and were silent. They had sex. They cuddled. They were, for once, merely in love, a couple spending time together.
    Jessie finally understood that happiness wasn’t really a supernova. It was actually kind of a regular thing. It popped up at the oddest times, the nicest times, and even occurred during sex. It was seeing Will grinning at her over a cup of coffee in a small little café as the sunlight streamed in the windows and they watched the colorful variety of southern Californians heading to the beach. It came with sand in her toes and Will trying, rather ineptly, to fly a kite while the ten-year-old behind him managed to accomplish it better and faster. It was seeing Will as he looked on, perplexed over what he was doing wrong. It happened when he was inside her and he reached up to grasp her face in his hands while staring into her eyes as if she were the last breathing woman alive on earth, and he had to make sure she knew she was his.
    It came when he simply tugged her hand, pulling her toward him and hugging her.
    It came because she refused to allow her pain to build a wall between them. It came when she simply let herself stand there, today, now, and accept whatever happened to her.
    The thing was: nothing good ever lasted for Jessie, so she never learned to simply trust in the “now” and believe when good was real. Finally, with Will, it was.
    ****
    As the plane touched down, and North Carolina returned to her eyesight, she sighed. Home. She bit her lip as they returned home where real life awaited. Life that needed to be relearned together. The life she had to make sure didn’t destroy both of them.
    Will reported back to base, while she tried to add more personality to the apartment. But it felt like dressing a whore in respectable clothes while still working the trade; she just didn’t like the apartment. For too long she was huddled inside it, afraid, weak, needy and scared. Too many times, she bled out in the tiny bathroom. Too many times, she pictured Will walking out the door and leaving her again.
    The first night Will walked in after work, he burst through the door with a grin, yelling out, “Honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?”
    She tried in vain to fill her day, and made an actual meal for him, something she’d only