Free The Years Between by Leanne Davis

that are part of you and I love those too. I can sit here all night if you need to. I can do that every day if you need to. I can do whatever you need.”
    “But that doesn’t make happiness.”
    “When I almost died, the only thing that meant anything to me, was you. So you know what? Yeah, it is enough. Loving you however you need it is enough. And I promise you, this will not be the last time you feel happiness.”
    She leaned her head on his shoulder. “It’s nicer than I thought it would feel.”
    “Yeah, well being with you is nicer than I ever thought too.”
    ****
    She felt small in his arms. Like a fragile bird he could accidentally break, and he tried to be more aware of his strength around her. Not to trap her in. Or hold her down. Never to remind her of what other men once did to her.
    She was and always had been the most complicated woman Will ever met. He felt the physical change in her body. He had no idea what was causing it or where she was going with it. He just knew she’d gone somewhere. Somewhere in that labyrinth that dwelt inside her head. It was a black hole that often threatened to sink her heart, mind and soul. It shrouded her innocence and tried to ruin everything for her. From her moods, to her emotions, to her relationships. Even theirs. He knew that chapter wasn’t done. There was enough residue of evil left over in her still that it nearly drowned all her good intentions to be healthy and whole. It could all come back. It ebbed and flowed in her. It was her mental prison for the rest of her life.
    It was the thing that so twisted his heart and made his brain want to break things was that he couldn’t totally eradicate what they did to her. He could never undo the damage those men caused inside of her, both the men her father let rape her, as well as the monsters who tortured her in Mexico. He could not love her enough to wipe out the things that happened to her before he ever knew her. He could never fully complete her.
    The thing was, he was having a hard time accepting that. What they did to a young, innocent girl nearly totally destroyed her. And not one of them paid for it. She paid for it. Jessie did all the paying. It was so fucking wrong, he sometimes felt choked by the unjustness, and the unfairness of it.
    The reason he ran from loving her was because she was so heartbreaking, it was hard for him to be in love with her. Not because he didn’t love her, or didn’t want to love her, but because of all the damage that was done to her, which changed how she could love him in return.
    But to get nearly panicked with him because she felt… happy? He didn’t know what to do with that. Who never felt happiness before? Right down to your toes, joy and happiness? She didn’t even recognize it. If he could have handed over his heart to her, he would have. How much pain could one person carry in them not to trust a burst of happiness filling them? That helplessness he felt when faced with the emotional damage done to her was something that threatened to suffocate him.
    And the reason he did not want to love her.
    It was also the reason he would never again fucking leave her. Not willingly. If he could do one thing in his macho, stupid, pointless life, it would be to make Jessie believe when she felt happiness, it was real. It was deserved. And it would happen again.
    He felt happiness often in his life. From friends. From Gretchen. From being here, for God’s sake. Everyone felt happiness, didn’t they? He couldn’t even count how many times he felt happy. But Jesus fucking Christ! Jessie didn’t even recognize it. He drew in a breath. Sometimes, the burden of her despair threatened to drown him as well as her. The magnitude of what he was up against with her could twist him all up inside. It was daunting to imagine what could happen, and what could come. There was no way there wouldn’t be more to deal with. More of the old Jessie. And now, Jessie of new. There would never be a