Free I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to find love & sh*t like that by The Betches

referencing physical attractiveness. “LawSkewlCutie” is okay, “TinyStripper91,” not so much.
    Pictures
    You definitely want to have some, and it should go without saying that they should represent what you look like right now. People constantly try to fudge their pictures, which is dumb. Here’s a secret: Unless you’re planning a date with Stevie Wonder, guys will know if you lied with your pictures. As far as what goes on in those pictures, a UConn study found that women with “altered” photos (that is, enhanced by using makeup, favorable lighting, etc.) consistently scoredhigher in terms of attractiveness and dating desirability—so slap on some makeup. It’s also a good idea to have pictures of you having a good time with other people. I would avoid, however, pictures of you surrounded by nothing but dudes. While you may feel like it shows how desirable you are, all it does is make most guys imagine you fucking each of those other guys, either one by one or in a big, delightful orgy.
    Profile
    Try not to be generic. For as much as women like talking about themselves, they’re pretty bad at doing it in writing. Every girl’s profile is something like this:
    “I love traveling and trying new foods, but more than anything I love laughing with my friends. I’m as comfortable going out on the town as I am staying in and snuggling. I love having fun and being silly, but I have a serious side, too. I’m looking for a man who can make me laugh, support me when I cry, and be my partner in crime.”
    OMG WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!!! No shit, everyone likes/is looking for those things. In trying to be broad and all-encompassing in your description, you’ve actually managed to say nothing. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but put some effort into it. What inspires you? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What are your hobbies/interests (other than judging people)? If you don’t have anypassions, that’s probably why you’re single. Become interesting.
    Your best bet is to be honest about yourself (within reason). If you’re like, into zip-lining through the jungle while listening to Elton John at full volume, say that. Other, more personal things, though, are probably best kept off the Internet. If you think that Adolf Hitler was “just really misunderstood,” maybe save that tidbit for later. But in general, there’s nothing to be gained by portraying yourself as something you’re not.
    Shit Crazy Bitches Do: Write Insane Dating Profiles
    You can always smell a crazy desperate girl a mile away by simply looking at her online dating bio. Phrases like “not being like other girls,” “not looking for just a hookup,” or “XYZ need not apply” are massive red flags that this girl is damaged and certifiable. By coming off insanely aggressive in their profiles, they appear desperate and not as though they’re here to have fun and meet new people. Even if you’re not looking to make new friends, your dating profile should never imply that you’re here for a ring or you need to GTFO. Relax, bitch, why so serious?
    When Is It Okay for Me to Hit On a Guy? by Head Pro
    Guys are the ones historically charged with initiating an interaction. Believe me when I say it would be awfully nice if we could just buck convention and have girls sidling up next to us at bars instead of vice versa. And I’m sure it would be equally nice if, instead of twirling your hair around your finger until it falls off waiting for a guy to notice you, you could just roll up and be all “ ’sup, bro?” (clearly I have no idea what female pickup lines sound like). Sadly, this is not the case. In our little corner of the world, it’s the men who do all the “hey baby”-ing, and it’s rare indeed for women to be the initiators.
    What the fuck, who are you to tell me my role in society, this is a free fucking country, you might be fuming, to which I say, you’ve got a lot of nerve getting all worked up over a book