isn’t it, that the moment you’re desperate to be alone people you don’t normally see for ages start popping out of the woodwork? This wasn’t even Monique’s floor.
I was afraid that she would comment on how hot and flustered I looked, but fortunately she didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. Reassured, I stopped to chat.
See, I told myself, all I needed was a little normality. It was a relief to talk about ordinary stuff, and I began to feel myself again.
‘So what’s the gossip?’ I asked Monique, remembering Phin’s question earlier. Monique was famously discreet, but if she did have any news it would be good to be able to passa titbit on to Phin. At least it would be something to say other than Could we try that cream on the finger thing again?
‘Funny you should say that.’ Monique glanced around and lowered her voice, even though there was no one else in there with us. ‘Have you seen Jonathan recently?’
Phin and the cream were instantly forgotten. ‘A couple of times,’ I said, as casually as I could. My poor old heart was working overtime this morning. Now it was pattering away at the mention of Jonathan. ‘Why?’
‘He’s a changed man, isn’t he?’
I thought of how relaxed he had looked the last time I’d seen him. ‘He seems to be in a good mood.’
‘Yes, and we all know why now!’
‘We do?’ I asked cautiously.
Monique grinned. ‘Our steady, sensible Jonathan is in love.’
Not content with pattering, my heart pole-vaulted into my throat, where it lodged, hammering wildly. ‘In love?’ I croaked.
She nodded. ‘And with Lori, of all people! I wouldn’t have thought she was his type at all, but they’re all over each other and they’re not even bothering to try and hide it. Oh, well, at least he’s happy.’ She looked at her watch. ‘I’d better get on. Lex will be wondering what’s happened to me.’
There was a rushing in my ears. I think I must have said something, but I’ve no idea what, and Monique waggled her fingers in farewell as she hurried off, oblivious to the fact that my world had come crashing down around me.
Shaking, feeling sick, I shut myself in a cubicle and put my head between my knees. I mustn’t cry, I mustn’t cry, I mustn’t cry , I told myself savagely. I had the rest of the afternoon to get through, and if I cried my mascara would run and everyone would know my heart was broken.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but it can’t have beenthat long. I knew I had to get back. Lifting my head, I drew long, painful breaths to steady myself. I could do this.
Thank God for make-up. I reapplied lipstick very carefully and studied my expression. My eyes held a stark expression, but you’d have had to know me very well to spot that anything was wrong. Inside I felt ragged and raw, and I walked stiffly, so as not to jar anything, but outwardly I was perfectly composed.
I made it back to my desk and sank down in my chair, staring blankly at the computer screen. I just had to sit there for another few hours and then I’d be able to go home. Phin had gone out to his lunch with Jane, the director of HR, so I was spared him at least. Those blue eyes might be full of laughter but they didn’t miss much.
By the time he came back it was after four, and I had had plenty of time to compose myself. I ached all over with the effort of not falling apart, and my brain felt as if it had an elastic band snapped round it, but I was able to meet his gaze when he came in.
‘How was your meeting?’ I asked, knowing Phin would never guess what it cost me to sound normal.
‘Very useful. Jane’s great, isn’t she? We talked about Cameroon and she’s all for a trial visit to see—’ He broke off and frowned. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ My throat was so tight I had to force the word out.
‘Don’t try and deny it,’ said Phin. ‘That stapler is a millimetre out of alignment. And…’ he peered closer ‘…yes, I do believe