Free Very LeFreak by Rachel Cohn

Are you really that shallow? Do important issues even concern you?”
    “I probably am that shallow,” Very said quietly.
    But was she?
    Very considered What She Wanted from Life, Circa Now, as Determinant of Potential Shallowness. She wanted:
For El Virus to reappear, but live and in the flesh this time, and to make all her Double V fantasies come true; a life of great companionship and sensuality and kinky role-playing, all settled for her without her having to go on any further quest to seek this life for herself. If he was independently wealthy, that would be a nice bonus, as Very was getting weary of a life skating by. If he wanted her to be his “con girl” and go to sci-fi and comics conventions with him, she’d be up for that, and she’d wear costumes, too. A beautiful partnership.
For Aunt Esther to die a peaceful death, not, like, right now—she should have a few good years left, but Very knew it was in the cards; Aunt Esther frequently proclaimed she was eager to move on and up, to return to her husband and son, and to her own parents. But Very had gotten used to her, and she didn’t want her aunt to go quite yet. Cat’s death had been sudden, and tawdry. No one deserved to go like that, especially a benefactress lady who made bitchin’ sweaters and matzo-ball soup, and who’d taken in a traumatized orphan once upon a time. Aunt Esther should live at least long enough to see Very graduate from Columbia, maybe longer if her sweaters turned out to be big sellers. It had been Cat’s dream for her daughter to get into and graduate from an Ivy League school. At least Very’s aunt should see that happen. Mostly, though, Very would like for her one known relative to experience a way out that was peaceful, with the satisfaction of having lived a full and loving life. See? Very had potential for depth. She did.
For premium cable or satellite TV she didn’t have to pay for to be hers, streaming through her iPhone (she’d also like not to pay for that). Also, a lifetime of free downloadable songs with online connections that never hung during download thus causing the need to reboot and other malfunctions. Key.
For Lavinia to switch presumed majors from English Lit to Premed. Lavinia was so smart and science-y, compassionate and caring, it would be a shame to waste that talent on finding meaning in boring novels that had no meaning anyway. Also, if Lavinia became a doctor, Very wouldn’t have to worry about paying for health insurance. Lavinia would be a truly selfless and noble physician, totally Doctors Without Borders–ish, relieving Very of the need to worry about the problems of the world, because why should she if her closest confidante and much more competent friend was already on the case? Very could stick with setting random Google News Alerts to learn about the great issues of the world while Lavinia went out and tackled them in 3-D. Awesome.
For mobile devices like phones and laptops to dispense chocolate and condoms. Not dispense them together, obviously—though chocolate-dipped condoms presented some enticing possibilities—but no, Very wanted her machines to provide not only for her instant information gratification but also for her physical satisfaction.
    Yes, she really was that shallow.
    Bryan knew her too well.
    Perhaps it was the mental haze from the joint, but suddenly Very figured it out: Aw, hell. It’s Bryan who’s Pandora’s box . Somehow, in allowing herself to be intimate with a friend as opposed to a casual acquaintance, she’d caused something in her body chemistry to trip out of whack. Because this one had repercussions. This mistake she got reminded of every time she logged in to The Grid.
    El Virus going missing had only added to the reminder. What if El Virus was dead? What if—cue horror-movie background sounds—he had another online girl on the side? Or boy? Or what if—cue sad song of desperate woe—he had a Real Person in Real Time in the Real World?
    This