Free Very LeFreak by Rachel Cohn Page A

Pandora’s-box schiz had to be temporary, right? Whatever dysfunctional imbalance it was causing Very, she knew she had to figure it out on her own and take care of it on her own. She couldn’t count on anyone to help her through. Could she?
    There had to be an iPhone application to address this problem. If there wasn’t, Very could make her fortune creating it. An application into which a user could stuff those what-the-fuck indefinable feelings of dread deep inside their own personal iBox of demons, and the goal of the game would be to teach the user how to keep that box shut tight instead of allowing it to open and let the demons run rampant.
    Very couldn’t deal with the sight of the Bryan demon any longer. She sought out Lavinia instead.
    Very left Jean-Wayne and Bryan sitting on the log, not K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and found Lavinia in Aunt Esther’s TV room, perched on a rocking chair. Aunt Esther sat on a sofa nearby, slumped asleep, knitting needles still in hand.
    Very told Lavinia, “I tried to propose an orgy but the boys weren’t interested.”
    “I miss everything,” Lavinia pouted, holding up her night’s work for Very’s inspection. “But look! I finished a scarf!”
    Very couldn’t help but admire Lavinia. Not only did Lavinia take on tasks—like schoolwork, and exercise, and knitting—but she completed them. Very could never finish anything she started. Too many distractions. She couldn’t get through a university lecture without IM-ing half the room to beg them to send her their notes so she could sneak out early and play Guitar Hero . She couldn’t jog a Wii block without having to return to her laptop to reprogram her workout playlist. And knitting ? WTF? Fingers were meant to tap tunes and keystrokes and joysticks, not tap knitting needles to make things that were actually useful, like sweaters and scarves and blankets. At least, useful in colder climates.
    “Why do we like Bryan?” Very asked Lavinia, sitting down on the floor at her feet.
    Lavinia said, “Basic stuff, I guess. He’s good people. He’s cute, but in that geeky, not-obvious way. He has no idea he’s cute—bonus points. He’s smart. He’s kind.”
    “Not lately.”
    “Would you be kind to you if you were him right now?”
    “I would, actually.”
    “That’s true, you probably would. Maybe that’s part of the problem. You’re so busy being free-spirited with everybody that you don’t see yourself hurting one special person who really wants to be close to you.”
    Lavinia was right, as always. Why had Very been so mean to Bryan? Very cared about him. She shouldn’t have hurt someone who cared about her. She needed to make it up to Bryan. She needed to give him a consolation prize. She owed him that much.
    “Bryan is birkensex, you know,” Very informed Lavinia.
    “He’s what?”
    “Earnest sex with granola people. You know.”
    “I don’t know.” The most lovable part of Lavinia? She was a virgin. Not a “Jesus wants me to save myself for marriage” and all that bullshit kind of abstainer. Lavinia was just quietly, and firmly, resolute not to do the deed unless she genuinely cared for the person and the feeling was mutual. Lavinia didn’t seem to feel that horny rush to do it that so many college coeds whom Very had encountered so far seemed to have, herself included. It was called self-respect, or something. Bizarre.
    “Have you ever tried a vibrator?” Very asked Lavinia.
    Lavinia put down her needles. “I may be a Unitarian, but I really feel like that’s not an appropriate question to ask me. Crossing a line.”
    “Why?”
    “It’s just none of your business.”
    “That means you have.”
    “I haven’t. The thought never even occurred to me until you just suggested it. Satisfied?”
    “Consider yourself suggested. You should try it sometime. It’s a bit satisfying. Until the right person for you comes along.” Very didn’t add: The technology is satisfying only technically, for the