Free Everything Left Unsaid by Jessica Davidson Page A

want to see me. At all. Like, wouldn’t even let me in his room.’
    ‘Did you guys have a fight or something?’
    Oh god. Gen doesn’t know. And I’m going to have to say it aloud. Again.
    ‘Nah, it’s just – you know that biopsy he had? Well he got the results yesterday, and it’s bad, Gen, it’s so bad, and . . .’ I can’t finish.
    Gen reaches out to take my hand.
    ‘He’s dying, Gen.’
    Gen puts a hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, Juliet – oh no . . .’ She wraps her arms around me, and we cry.
    When we’ve cried ourselves dry, Gen sets about fixing the mascara explosion on my face.
    ‘It’s just so wrong,’ I say. ‘It’s so fucking wrong.’
    She thinks for a minute. ‘It is. But, Juliet, we’re all dying. He just happens to have a prediction about it, you know? Do you really want to be like everyone else, making him feel like he’s at his own funeral for the next few months, watching you fall apart? He’s going to need you – and he’ll need you to love him like he’s still alive.’
    • • •
    The next afternoon I go over to Tai’s and tap at his bedroom door. When he refuses to let me in, I sit there on the carpet, staring at my shoes. Mia fusses around me, asking if I’ve had something to eat. She brings one of Tai’s favourite foods, and I announce to him what I’m eating. Still silence. I pull a notebook from my schoolbag, find a pen, and write a note to him before sliding it under the door. Still nothing. I shift to get more comfortable, my back against Tai’s door, and turn my iPod on.
    Frustrated, I yell out, ‘I can smell your breath from here, Tai.’ Because of the music in my ears I don’t hear him coming to the door, and fall backwards onto the carpet when he opens it.
    He looks down at me. ‘Is that right?’ he says, and although his voice is sad and tired there’s a spark in there, too.
    ‘Yeah, that’s right. You might want to consider some gum. And a shower.’
    He smiles, sniffing at his underarms, making a face for my amusement.
    ‘I guess a shower is probably in order,’ he admits.
    While he’s in the bathroom, Mia, bristling with excitement, orders Stanley to go and pick up the ingredients for apricot chicken. She whips around Tai’s room, changing sheets and picking up socks and opening the window to air out the Teenage Boy Smell.
    By the time Tai’s scrubbed his teeth and sprayed on what smells like a whole can of deodorant, Mia’s bustling around in the kitchen. I’m beginning to think I’ll get a second alone with him when Hendrix and River come barrelling at him. As they drag him down the hallway he looks over his shoulder and mouths, ‘Beach walk later?’
    While he’s playing with his little brothers, I watch him when I think he’s not looking, expecting him to look different. And he’s paler, sure, but mostly he just looks like Tai.
    After dinner we walk down to the beach. It’s so cold my fingers turn numb, but I don’t care. We make our way right down to the water and sit together on the sand. I slide my fingers under his jumper, under his shirt, to where I can feel his chest rising and falling with his breathing.
    There are a million questions I want to ask, but not now. I snuggle into him, and he rests his cheek on my hair.
    ‘Do you have to go back to school tomorrow?’ I say, but instead of answering Tai kisses me. His hands are on my cheeks and he kisses me so hard I fall back into the sand, pulling him with me.
    In one of the spaces where we pause to breathe, I whisper into the side of his neck, so quietly I can barely hear it, ‘I love you, Tai.’
    He tenses, ever so slightly, but I’m certain he hasn’t heard and we kiss again as if nothing’s happened. It’s probably better that way. He’s got enough to deal with. I love him. But he’s dying.

 
     
     
Tai
    ‘I love you, Tai.’ It’s so quiet I almost think I’ve imagined it. I start to kiss her again, pretending I haven’t heard. Her saying it should have