Free Everything Left Unsaid by Jessica Davidson Page B

made me feel fantastic, but it doesn’t, because there’s a voice inside me saying, You’re dying, Tai. You’re fucked, Tai. And so what if she does love you? You’re still going to leave her, whether you want to or not .
    I’m telling the voice in my head to piss off, to just let me enjoy the sensation of Juliet’s lips on mine, then she squirms suddenly. ‘Ouch.’
    I lift my head. ‘You okay?’
    ‘Yeah, there’s just . . .’ She pushes me off, wrenches out a stick from under her back. ‘A stick.’
    I hug my knees and look at the ocean, even though it’s too dark to see anything. ‘We should get back,’ I say.
    Juliet checks her watch. ‘Shit, I’m late for curfew.’
    We walk back in silence, and when we get to my place I say, ‘Do you want me to walk you home?’
    ‘Nah, I’ll be okay. See you tomorrow?’
    ‘Yeah.’
    She kisses me goodnight and hurries away. Back in the warmth of my room I see that Mum has draped my school uniform over the chair near my desk. Over dinner we talked about me going back to school tomorrow. Mum and Dad reckon it’d be good to finish school, that it would mean something . I don’t think it’ll make any difference if I go or not, and besides, everyone will act weird – they’ll give me those looks. But I don’t want to be stuck in the house, either, and it’s not like I can just hang out at the beach all day. Mum said it was up to me – Whatever you want, Tai – but I don’t know what I want anymore, apart from things to be like they used to.

 
     
     
Juliet
    The next morning I decide to drag myself out of bed and into the shower. Then I swipe on some eyeliner, grab my bus pass and shrug on my blazer before practically running out the door. I don’t even have time to grab the coffee I’d kill for – I’m late.
    Tai isn’t on the bus but I didn’t really expect him to be. I know he’ll slip in late, trying to be inconspicuous. Like that’s going to work.
    At least on the bus I’ve got time to sit and think about last night. I remember how Tai tensed; I’m starting to think that he did hear me say that I love him. Now I feel like an idiot. He obviously doesn’t feel the same way.
    I find the girls sitting in our usual spot, throw my bag on the ground with theirs, sit down, and announce, ‘Fuck, I hate mornings.’
    ‘Well good morning, sunshine.’ Gen looks me up and down. ‘You look like shit.’
    ‘Bad night.’
    Rae looks up from the assignment she’s writing, the one that’s due today. ‘What happened?’
    ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
    ‘Ooh, it’s definitely interesting, then. We want to talk about it, don’t we?’
    ‘I bet she finally had sex with Tai and it was awful,’ Lina predicts.
    ‘Um, hello Lina, I’m right here? And for your information, no .’
    ‘So tell us.’
    ‘All right,’ I grumble. ‘But don’t laugh . . . Tai and I were at the beach last night, right, and we were kissing and stuff . . .’
    ‘And stuff?’ Lina smirks.
    ‘Not important, Lina.’ I sigh. ‘I told Tai that I loved him last night. And he didn’t say anything back.’
    Gen looks thoughtful. ‘Did he kiss you again afterwards?’
    ‘After I told him? Yeah.’
    ‘Well you know then, don’t you?’
    ‘Know what?’ But the bell is ringing and she’s getting to her feet, conversation over.
    As we walk to class Rae tells me there’s a party on Friday night and Lina adds, ‘You should come, Juliet, you haven’t been out with us in ages. Come on. Make Tai come, too.’
    It occurs to me that I’ve barely hung out with the girls in weeks, and though I’ve had good reason to be distracted, I still feel guilty about neglecting them, especially Gen, when her olds have just split up.
    • • •
    Tai doesn’t arrive until that space between first and second period, where everyone’s distracted and hurrying to their next class – but they’re not so distracted that his arrival goes unnoticed.
    We walk to class together,