Free How Not to Shop by Carmen Reid

repeated in-credulously. ' These are words I never thought I would hear you say. But isn't booze a grain?'
     
'I'm allowed champagne and vodka,' Connor told her, 'because they're pure. Vodka with soda water is the only drink you can buy round here anyway,' he added; 'vodka with soda water means you can get drunk but with hardly any calories or toxins, plus you are rehydrating while you're dehydrating.'
     
'What do they call a vodka-soda then? The Hollywood Hellraiser?' Annie teased, 'Oh you crazy people! So you can have a big night out and still be up for spin class at six the next morning.'
     
'Spin class? Soooo over,' Connor said. 'It's all yoga kick boxing now.'
     
'But I thought yogis were pacifists. Do they just box away their negative vibes?' Annie teased.
     
'Yeah, you're laughing, but you're a TV presenter now. You are just inches away from behaving like this,' he warned.
     
'Am not.'
     
'Are so.'
     
'Not!'
     
'Totally.'
     
'How's your lover?' Annie asked to bring the play-fight to a close.
     
'He's great,' came the reply. 'He doesn't have a work visa, so he's busy being my companion. He plans my wardrobe, organizes my diary, books all my sessions, makes sure I don't miss a meeting, or a manicure.'
     
Manicure? Over the phone Annie couldn't tell whether Connor was serious or pulling her leg. Surely even Californian Connor wouldn't go for a manicure. Would he?
     
'He's finding out about our baby options over here,' Connor dropped in without the slightest warning: 'there's adoption or there's surrogacy.'
     
'Hello?!' Annie pounced, 'Your baby options?! You two want to have a baby? And you've not even breathed one word to me about this?'
     
There was a pause. Then Connor felt he had to apologize. 'I'm sorry. We've not even been talking about it that long. It's a very new idea,' he added, 'but it's a fantastic one!'
     
Annie said the only thing she felt that she could say: 'Well, that's incredibly exciting, babes.'
     
But really, she thought it was too strange, that the two men she was closest to, Ed and Connor, both wanted babies. All of a sudden. Out of the blue.
     
'Ed wants to have a baby too,' she risked.
     
'No! That will be so amazing, Annie! Congratulations,' he added; a little prematurely, to say the least.
     
'No, Connor. There's a bit of a difference. Ed wants to have a baby, but I don't.'
     

Chapter Nine
Annie's on-screen outfit:
     
Bright blue blouse (Chloé)
Purple and blue skirt (Whistles sale)
Purple platform pumps (Miu Miu, Store discount days)
Thick blue tights (John Lewis)
Total est. cost: £470
     
'Oh practical schmactical!'
     
Annie walked briskly, three-inch heels clacking, arm in arm with Cath through the shopping mall. Permission to film in the mall and in most of the shops inside it had only just been granted twenty minutes ago after frantic phone calls to and from the director's assistant.
     
Annie had a tight grip on Cath because she felt that the poor woman was going to need real physical, as well as mental, support to get through this shopping ordeal. Hard enough to go shopping for yourself for the first time in years . . . but to have a camera crew watching your every move when you finally get out there? That was almost too much for any woman to bear.
     
Five years! Cath couldn't remember hitting the shops for herself once since her son's 16th birthday. It wasn't that she didn't have any money; Cath just felt she should be saving it rather than spending it on herself. Plus, she seemed to have a wardrobe full of things passed on from her friends, or worse, her son.
     
'I know you love him dearly,' Annie had told Cath, 'but do you not think wearing his old sweatshirts might be taking things a bit too far?
     
'But they're so practical,' Cath objected.
     
'Oh practical shmactical! If I hear the p word again I'm going to have to smack you. There are so many lovely, comfortable and cosy ways of getting dressed without baggy sweatshirts and anoraks!'
     
Cath had an