Free Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris Page A

mouth.
    "Are you serious? Who broke it off?"
    "I guess it was mutual," he said with a shrug. "They felt that God was leading them out of it."
    "Bummer," I said.
    He nodded.
    Wes and Jenna were good friends. I thought that they'd make a perfect match and that engagement was imminent.
    "It's just too bad when courtships fail," I said wistfully
    "Yeah," my friend agreed.
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    I was about to continue my melancholy remarks when it dawned on me how wrongheaded my thinking was. What was I saying? Wes and Jenna's courtship hadn't failed. It's purpose had been to find an answer to the question of whether they should get married, and evidently God had shown them that the answer was no. Just because that wasn't the answer I preferred didn't make the courtship a failure.
    "Let me revise that last statement," I said.
    "Hows that?" my friend asked.
    "I should have said that 'It's just too bad when courtships don't turn out the way I want them to.'" Well aware of my bad habit of matchmaking, he smiled and winked knowingly.
    "A toast," I said as I raised my glass of Coke in the air. "To our good friends Wes and Jenna at the conclusion of their successful courtship."
    Right Definitions
    What's your definition of a successful courtship? It's an important question to answer before you set out on the adventure of seeking God's will for marriage. Often we act as if the only successful courtships are those that culminate in a sparkling diamond ring and the words "Marry me!" But careful examination reveals how limited and foolish this idea is.
    Think about it. Engagement isn't necessarily a good thing. Today many couples base their decision to become engaged solely on emotions or temporary passion instead of on reality and wisdom. Can a courtship that leads to an unwise union be considered a success? No! Or what about a couple who gets engaged after having had a courtship that was rife with selfishness, sexual sin, and manipulation? Successful? I don't think
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    so. We can hope that their marriage will be better, but it's impossible to call this kind of courtship a success.
    Growing and Guarding
    It's clear that we need to refine our definition of success in courtship. Getting engaged should not be our overriding goal. What should be?
    I believe that in a God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.
    In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other's character, but we also want to guard each other's hearts because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown.
    At the beginning of a courtship a man and woman don't know if they should get married. They need to get to know each other, observe each other's character, and find out how they relate as a couple. This is what it means to grow closer. But the fact that the future is unknown should also motivate them to treat each other with the kind of integrity that will allow them to look back on their courtship without regret, regardless of the outcome.
    Second Corinthians 1:12 sums up what every Christian couple should be able to say at the end of a courtship:
    Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God's grace.
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    Instead of making engagement the finish line of courtship, our goal should be to treat each other in a godly manner, make the right choice about marriage, and have a clear conscience about our actions.
    My friend Leonard, a single man in his thirties, was disappointed when Rita broke off their courtship. But because he had acted appropriately towards her, he had the peace that comes with clear conscience.
    "Sure my pride was hurt," Leonard says. "I asked myself