Free Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris Page B
Authors: Joshua Harris
'Why?' and 'What went wrong?' many times. But I consider our courtship a success because I was able to walk away from it praising God that I had served and honored my sister. I treated her with the respect a child of God deserves. To the best of my ability, my motives, thoughts, words, and actions were in the right place."
Balancing Act
Maintaining the priorities of growing and guarding make courtship something of a balancing act. You have the clear purpose to consider marriage, but you also need to fight the urge to assume that you're going to get married.
It reminds me of a high-wire circus act. Have you ever watched a performer traverse a wire a hundred feet in the air? If you have, you know that the secret to their safety is the balancing pole they carry. Holding it horizontally with both hands keeps the performer from losing balance and falling off the wire.
You could say that in courtship we're walking across the high wire stretched between friendship and marriage. The two priorities of growing and guarding are like the two ends of our balancing pole. We need to hold our pole in the middle for sue
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cess. If we're too guarded, we won't move forward in the relationship; if we grow close too fast, we risk emotional injury or unwise choices later on.
There's a tension you want to maintain. Just remember that it's a good tension. If God leads you into marriage, you won't need to guard your hearts-you'll belong to each other completely. And believe me, you'll cherish the memories of your courtship walk across the high wire as an exciting, one-of-a-kind time in your relationship.
I'll never forget Valentine's Day during my courtship with Shannon. How wonderfully awkward it was! On the holiday for lovers, I wasn't sure how to address her. She was my friend, but then we were more than friends. So we were more than friends, but not quite lovers. I felt like I was back in seventh grade agonizing over the meaning of the words on valentines!
In a card I spent hours writing I asked, "How do you guard a girl's heart while attempting to tell her how special she is? Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship?"
My questions captured the healthy tension of courtship. Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship? It sounds funny, but I think you can. It's part of the process of letting romance blossom slowly under the watchful eye of prudence and self-control. You're more than friends, so you can determine whether you should join your lives in marriage, but you're also less than lovers-your hearts and bodies don't yet belong to each other.
Enjoy it. Don't rush. Don't despise or hurry the in-between time of courtship, even though you often feel the tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the need to grow and guard during courtship is a necessary and fulfilling part of making the journey towards marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity.
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For courtship to be a resounding success and a delight, we need to grow and guard in three areas: friendship, fellowship, and romance. Let's look at each one and see what it means to strike a healthy balance in each.
Friendship
The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. You don't need to worry about igniting romantic feelings immediately or figuring out whether or not you're compatible for marriage. Those things will work themselves out as your friendship develops.
Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together.
When you're just starting out, don't stress yourself out trying to orchestrate incredibly entertaining or romantic dates. Relax and enjoy each others company. Look for activities and settings that allow you to be together and talk freely. And don't limit yourselves to going out on dates. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life-the fun, the mundane, and
Balancing Act
Maintaining the priorities of growing and guarding make courtship something of a balancing act. You have the clear purpose to consider marriage, but you also need to fight the urge to assume that you're going to get married.
It reminds me of a high-wire circus act. Have you ever watched a performer traverse a wire a hundred feet in the air? If you have, you know that the secret to their safety is the balancing pole they carry. Holding it horizontally with both hands keeps the performer from losing balance and falling off the wire.
You could say that in courtship we're walking across the high wire stretched between friendship and marriage. The two priorities of growing and guarding are like the two ends of our balancing pole. We need to hold our pole in the middle for sue
85
cess. If we're too guarded, we won't move forward in the relationship; if we grow close too fast, we risk emotional injury or unwise choices later on.
There's a tension you want to maintain. Just remember that it's a good tension. If God leads you into marriage, you won't need to guard your hearts-you'll belong to each other completely. And believe me, you'll cherish the memories of your courtship walk across the high wire as an exciting, one-of-a-kind time in your relationship.
I'll never forget Valentine's Day during my courtship with Shannon. How wonderfully awkward it was! On the holiday for lovers, I wasn't sure how to address her. She was my friend, but then we were more than friends. So we were more than friends, but not quite lovers. I felt like I was back in seventh grade agonizing over the meaning of the words on valentines!
In a card I spent hours writing I asked, "How do you guard a girl's heart while attempting to tell her how special she is? Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship?"
My questions captured the healthy tension of courtship. Can you give her a rose as you thank her for her friendship? It sounds funny, but I think you can. It's part of the process of letting romance blossom slowly under the watchful eye of prudence and self-control. You're more than friends, so you can determine whether you should join your lives in marriage, but you're also less than lovers-your hearts and bodies don't yet belong to each other.
Enjoy it. Don't rush. Don't despise or hurry the in-between time of courtship, even though you often feel the tension. Instead, treasure the season. Balancing the need to grow and guard during courtship is a necessary and fulfilling part of making the journey towards marriage wisely and with holiness and sincerity.
86
For courtship to be a resounding success and a delight, we need to grow and guard in three areas: friendship, fellowship, and romance. Let's look at each one and see what it means to strike a healthy balance in each.
Friendship
The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship. You don't need to worry about igniting romantic feelings immediately or figuring out whether or not you're compatible for marriage. Those things will work themselves out as your friendship develops.
Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together.
When you're just starting out, don't stress yourself out trying to orchestrate incredibly entertaining or romantic dates. Relax and enjoy each others company. Look for activities and settings that allow you to be together and talk freely. And don't limit yourselves to going out on dates. Look for ways to share the different parts of your life-the fun, the mundane, and
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