Free A Teeny Bit of Trouble by Michael Lee West Page B

are to see me. I’m quite aware that you’re an attorney. But a court order isn’t mandatory. If the results are in your favor, I won’t fight you for custody. Nor will I seek financial compensation for the last ten years and nine months.”
    I blinked. Didn’t he know Emerson was listening? My throat burned as I choked down a slew of angry words. Not too long ago, I’d promised Jesus I’d try to be a better person, but I wanted to tie Lester to a chair and feed him Cuckoopint Cobbler, made from noxious berries that caused diarrhea and projectile vomiting.
    Emerson’s jaw moved convulsively, as if she were chewing ice. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here. Just for that, you’re not getting my spit.”
    Lester’s cheeks turned pink. “Don’t make me sedate you.”
    “I’d like to see you try.” She swung the umbrella, and more boxes tumbled to the floor.
    The flounder man shuffled forward. “It’s not an invasive test. We’ll just collect a buccal sample—that’s the inside of your cheek. We’ll just swab it and it’ll be over in a second.”
    Emerson dropped the umbrella. “Can I try it on you?”
    “Why, certainly.” The technician smiled, showing crooked teeth, each one lapped against the other like slate shingles.
    Emerson walked over to him and plucked the swab from his hand. “Bend over, Mister. I’m just gonna cram this doohickey up your craw. It’ll be over in a second.”
    “Stop acting like a monkey,” Lester said. “Apologize to the nice man.”
    “No. He looks just like Hannibal Lecture.” Emerson put her hands over her eyes.
    “You pronounced it wrong,” Lester said grimly. “Now get over here and open your Grand Canyon mouth.”
    Emerson slammed her head against Coop’s stomach. “Daddy, help me. The lambs are screaming! Make them stop!”
    Red snorted. One side of Coop’s mouth slanted up, like he was holding back a grin. He patted Emerson’s shoulder.
    “Stop laughing,” Lester said. “You’re just encouraging her.”
    Didn’t he see how scared she was? I crouched beside her. She lifted her face from Coop’s shirt and winked.
    “I saw that,” Lester cried. “She’s just like her mother, a drama queen.”
    Emerson moved away from Coop and scowled at Lester. “You’re a drag queen!”
    God, I loved this girl.
    “Stop the theatrics.” Lester turned to the technicians and snapped his fingers. “Let’s get this over with. Fix another swab.”
    The techs prepared another kit. Lester sat on the edge of a stool and parted his lips. I imagined Barb’s tongue inside his mendacious mouth and I felt sick.
    “Next,” the technician called.
    Emerson sucked in her cheeks. Before the adults could react, she pushed over the Preparation H display and shot out the door. A blast of clammy air swept up the aisle and stirred the sale banners that hung from the ceiling.
    Lester drummed his fingers on the counter. “I knew this would happen.”
    “Shouldn’t we go after her?” Coop moved toward the door. Lester vaulted off the stool and stepped in his path.
    “Don’t trouble yourself,” Lester said. “You might as well go after a typhoon. You’ll never find her. When things don’t go Emerson’s way, she runs off. She’ll be fine, trust me.”
    He walked to the ruined Preparation H display. “Look at this mess.”
    My chest felt too tight. I didn’t doubt Emerson’s ability to hide. I was worried about the slippery roads. What if she darted in front of a car? Or ran into someone she knew? I knew how gossip worked in this town. By now, the news about Barb would have made the rounds. Someone might offer their condolences to Emerson. I couldn’t let her hear about Barb that way.
    “A ten-year-old girl is missing!” I cried.
    “No, she’s hiding. Big difference.” Lester faced the back of his store. “Kendall? I need you to fix the hemorrhoid display.”
    Do something, Jesus . Please give Lester a rectal fistula .
    He turned back to the technicians.