Free Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) by Jennifer Foor

never loved me.
    It’s a hard blow for anyone with feelings to endure, but especially difficult for me, because she’s the only person I’ve ever had that type of connection with. It’s mostly my fault. I’ve never given another woman a chance.
    After leaving Wes and Cammie’s house, my mind is all over the place, but there was one constant that kept me feeling as if it was time to throw in the towel and start over fresh. I can’t dwell on what will never be, but I can find someone else that enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers.
    I didn’t expect much when I picked Tamsyn up from the dealership. She was a blubbering mess, with her mind set on getting sloppy drunk until she couldn’t think about her problems. Not only did I successfully help her achieve those goals, but I somehow fell victim to my own desires.
    In some perverse way, I think Tamsyn represents a part of Liv I always wanted to hold on to. She knew her when we first started whatever it was between us. It's sick. I don't want the reminders, in fact I'd prefer it if I could forget they ever happened and focus solely on this beautiful woman in front of me. She's extremely my type; attractive, outgoing, thoughtful, and straight forward. She's a victim of her own heart, which is something else we have is common. Wanting her is dangerous, but I know if I stop for a second I'll be forced to walk away, because it's what I've always done. For some reason this time feels different. When we part I have the urge to run right back. As she stares into my eyes I'm getting lost in the moment, forgetting the real purpose that I've sought her out.
    I don't have to pretend with her. She doesn't expect me to live up to some false image because of who my family is. She's not out to change me, or tell me I'll never be good enough. I realize it's new and things could change, but for the time being I'm content, and that says a lot. I'm never comfortable like this. Sure, I wanted to fuck her from the moment I first set eyes on her, but now that it's happened, I can't find a reason good enough to stay away.
    Neither of us get much sleep. In the morning, Tamsyn checks out of the hotel room, and I treat her to a pancake breakfast at a local restaurant before she needs to head to class, while I have to show up for work on the ranch. I’ve already gotten a few calls wondering where I’ve been, not that I’m worried about it. It’s not like they can fire me. My mom wouldn’t have it. She’d raise hell to my father and I’d be back in the fields after several days. I know this, because it’s happened a couple of times before. I suppose it’s to teach me a lesson, not that it has.
    At breakfast, I sit across from a gorgeous blonde I want to know better. We talked for hours, which is something I’m not used to doing, with anyone, much less a women. She’s interesting, and aside from her recent breakup, she’s pretty damn fun. We like the same music, and when I heard she’s into video gaming I swear my dick got hard. Every once in a while we catch gazes and all I can think about is her being naked in my arms.
    I actually like this girl. What started as some kind of ridiculous conquest could turn into something neither of us expected and it excites me, especially when there is nothing left to fall back on. Liv isn’t going to show up and give me more false hope. That part of my life is over, and like my parents have been telling me for years, it’s time to grow up and take responsibility of my life. I can’t depend on other people to be happy, or find some sort of independence. I don’t know where this relationship will go, but I’m willing to give it a try if she is. Knowing we’re both in a bad place, it worries me, though I’ve never done anything by the rules, so why start now?
    It’s a little discouraging when we stand next to our two vehicles in the parking lot of the diner and have to say goodbye.
    I run my hand through her wavy blonde locks as I speak.