Free The Land of Laughs by Jonathan Carroll

and talking. A hand-painted sign in front announced that it was the annual Lions Club barbecue. I parked the car next to a dirty pickup truck and got out. The air was still and redolent with the smell of woodsmoke and grilled meat. A slight breeze pushed by. I started to stretch, but when I happened to look toward the eaters I stopped in mid-flight. Almost all of them had stopped eating and were looking at us. Except for one nice-looking woman with short black hair who was hurrying by with a couple of boxes of hamburger rolls in her hands, they were all frozen in position — a fat man in a straw hat with a sparerib held near his open mouth, a woman pouring an empty Coke can into a full cup, a child holding a stuffed pink-and-white rabbit over his head with two hands.
    “What is this, Ode on a Grecian Urn ?” I mumbled to no one.
    I watched the woman with the rolls spear open a box with a barbecue fork. The freeze on the rest of them lasted maybe ten long seconds, and then a loud engine noise which turned out to be a truck carrying a palomino horse broke the spell. One of the men behind the grills smiled and waved us over with a greasy spatula.
    “There’s plenty here, folks. Come on over and support the Galen Lions.”
    We started over, and the man nodded his approval. There was space on one of the benches, so Saxony sat down while I went over to the smoking grills.
    My new pal scraped grease off the silver bars into the fire and called over his shoulder for more ribs. Then he looked at me and tapped the grill. “Connecticut, huh? You came all this way just to taste my spareribs, huh?”
    He had on a puffy white cooking glove that was stained grease-brown on the palm. I smiled stupidly and laughed through my nose.
    “Now, you see, I got the ribs and Bob Schott over there’s got the hamburgers. If I were you, though, I wouldn’t eat ‘em, because Bob’s a doctor and he might try to poison you so he’ll have a couple of new customers later.”
    Bob thought that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. He looked around to see if everyone was laughing as hard as he was.
    “But now, you take some ribs from me, and you’ll know what good is, because I own the market here and this meat is fresh off the truck this morning. It’s the best stuff I’ve got.” He pointed at the grilling ribs. They were basted in a red sauce and dripped hot grease onto the coals, which in turn gave off an almost continual sizzle. They smelled great.
    “Sure, Dan, sure. You know that they’re just the ones you couldn’t sell last week.”
    When I looked over my shoulder at Saxony to see how all these knee-slappers were going down with her, I was surprised to see her laughing.
    “Us dopes’s keeping you from eating, friend. What would you and your lady like?”
    Dan, the master of ceremonies, was shiny-bald except for some short brown hair on the sides of his head. His eyes were dark and friendly and set into a fat, red, unwrinkled face that looked as if it had eaten a lot of spareribs over the years. He had on a white T-shirt, rumpled tan pants, and black work boots. Overall he reminded me of an actor who died a couple of years ago named Johnny Fox, who was infamous for beating his wife but who nevertheless always played the part in cowboy movies of a cowardly small-town mayor or shopowner. The kind who’s afraid to challenge the Dalton gang when they come into town looking to tear everything apart.
    My father used to bring home men like Johnny Fox. They always looked astonished that he had actually invited them to dinner. He would come in the front door and yell to Esther, our cook, that there’d be another for dinner.
    If I was in the room with my mother, she’d inevitably groan and look at the ceiling, as if the answer were written up there. “Your father’s found another monster,” she’d say, and then push herself wearily up and out of her chair so that she’d at least be standing when he appeared in the doorway with his