Free Double Indemnity by Maggie Kavanagh Page B

holidays, he filled his time with old friends and crappy jobs. Sometimes he ate dinner with his family. But then a friend would call or he’d hear about a party, and he’d be off again, thoughtless and full of the promise of life outside the confines of home.
    Sam thought about that summer a lot, but never figured out how to forgive himself for the missed opportunities. His brother grew up without him, and Sam never found out Tim’s favorite movies or if he liked girls. And then there were the things Sam never told Tim or his parents. That he was gay. That he loved them.
    Of course they knew about the love already. But still.
    Part of him understood he’d been acting like any normal teenager finding his way. Another part of him, no matter how irrational, felt like he should have known. He should have known about time.
    Tim’s hand lay lifeless and warm in his, and Sam squeezed it. “I’m sorry. You’re not an asshole. Happy birthday, buddy.” Visiting hours were over.
    Sam pulled out of the parking lot at breakneck speed and headed south down the freeway. He needed to put some space between himself and his life, and a night in New York was just the thing. Calling Yuri was an afterthought, but he did it anyway, keeping one eye out for cops as he hit the speed dial.
    â€œHey, Sam.” Yuri sounded wary. He knew what day it was.
    â€œHey. So I’m thinking about heading down to the city for the night. Hit up a club or two. You in?”
    â€œI’ve got to work tomorrow, and so do you.”
    â€œThat never stopped us before. We can be in for seven, take an early train.”
    â€œIt’s a big job tomorrow.” But Sam could hear the hesitation in Yuri’s voice, and he wasn’t above exploiting it for the company. He hummed. “Come on. For old time’s sake. Don’t make me dance alone.”
    Yuri snorted. “You never dance alone, Sam.”
    Shit. He’d lost the thread with that one. Perhaps guerilla tactics would be more effective. “Get ready. I’ll be at your place in ten minutes, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
    â€œYes, you will.” This time it sounded final. “I can’t come. You have a good time, but be safe. Okay?”
    â€œYou’re no fun anymore, old man.”
    â€œYeah, maybe not. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
    The line went dead, and Sam tossed his phone onto the empty passenger’s seat. It didn’t matter if Yuri didn’t want to come. Rachel was the other obvious choice, but she’d be working until closing time. He really needed to make some new friends.
    By the time he parked at the commuter rail and paid for his ticket, the sun had already dipped low in the sky. The train hurtled into the station like a steel cage filled with oblivious captives, lost in their cell phones and laptops. Sam grabbed a seat facing forward and stared out the window as they began to move again, first slowly, then gaining more speed. The sway of the train and the loud clatter of the rails lulled him into the first calm he’d felt in days.
    The clubs would be dead for a while once he arrived, but he could spend some time in the Village, maybe, or grab a bite to eat. It would be far better than another night in Stonebridge, another night at the same bar or at his apartment, in his neighborhood. An old woman sat across from him, sleeping with her head pressed against the window. Her gray hair was mottled through with sickly yellow, and even with several feet between them, Sam could smell the stink of old clothes and unwashed flesh.
    He wondered what contentment felt like. Did anyone live a charmed life, or was it a myth designed to make everyone feel like shit?
    This woman’s face and worn, dirty clothes spoke of hardship and suffering, but maybe all of that was misleading. This woman, with all of her seeming vulnerabilities on display, had courage. So did Tim. They didn’t deserve