Free Longing by Karen Kingsbury

could feel anger light up her eyes. “Wait a minute.” She spun around and faced him. “I’m not just some guy’s girlfriend. Remember me, Cody?” She spread her fingers over her heart. “Remember how it was before you went to war and how it was when you came home?” She hesitated, finding a level of control again. “How it was a year ago summer?”
    “Of course.” His voice fell and he dropped his head into his right hand. For a few seconds he massaged his temples with his thumb and forefinger. “Bailey.” He looked up and for a second she thought he might take her hands in his. Instead he crossed his arms again. “Don’t say that. Don’t be angry at me. If I had it to do over again …”
    “You don’t.
We
don’t.” Only then — in a sudden rush — did she realize he was right. She’d been angry from the moment she saw him earlier at the game, and in this moment her anger seepedthrough every response, every question or comment. She leaned back against the porch rail and closed her eyes.
    Okay, God. I need You. I’m angry, I am. I don’t want to be nice to him. Help me, Lord … give me the control of Your Holy Spirit.
    And in the still of the night she heard His response.
    I am with you, daughter. Be honest … be kind.
    Be honest and kind.
Bailey thought about that and instantly the idea stilled her anxious heart. She opened her eyes and looked at him. “I’m sorry. For arguing.” She sat back down on the edge of the swing and looked straight at him. “The truth is, Cody, I’m angry. Really angry at you.”
    He slid back a few inches, clearly surprised by her answer.
“You’re
angry?”
    “Yes.” She folded her arms and resisted the way her teeth wanted to chatter together, resisted the cold that ran through her. “You and I shared the most amazing summer ever, and a few weeks later it seemed like you fell off the earth. Like you and I never existed.”
    “You were with Brandon.”
    “I was
not
with him.” She wanted to raise her voice, but she kept control. “I was supposed to be with you, to be honest.” She uttered a single, frustrated laugh. “I told Brandon I had a boyfriend, and he used to tease me. He didn’t believe you were real, because you never came around.”
    Regret flooded his eyes, his expression. For a while he didn’t respond, but then he hung his head before he looked at her again. “I’m sorry. I have my reasons.”
    “Your mom?”
    “Yes.” Cody sounded more serious. “She was involved with some, well, some very dangerous people, Bailey. At the time I was afraid.” Cody’s eyes begged her to understand. “Afraid you’d get hurt. I couldn’t take that.”
    “But, Cody, don’t you see?” She didn’t want to cry, but thiswas the hardest part. “Your actions … the way it came across … it did hurt me. Like you didn’t care at all.”
    “Of course I cared.” He looked broken. “I ached for even a single minute of this, being with you again.”
    “Then why did you get serious with Cheyenne?”
    Cody set his jaw again.
    Bailey waited. “Cody?” She wasn’t letting the conversation move on from here until she had an answer. Her voice quieted some. “Why did you turn to her?”
    “She needed me.” He looked like maybe those were three of the most difficult words he’d ever said.
    A cool wind picked up, and Bailey felt colder than before. But she kept her distance. They were finally getting somewhere. “Because of her accident? She needed you because of that, or just
she
needed you … and I didn’t?”
    “You didn’t.” Defeat sounded from the most private places of his being. “Your life is magical, Bailey.” He turned to fully face her. “What could I offer a girl like you?”
    “What you offered me that summer … a love that watched me grow up, that knew me for who I was and cared about my family.” She took a breath. “A love like I’ll never have again, not exactly like it, no matter who God brings into my life.” The