Free The Lily (The Flowering Series Book 1) by Unknown

with, the man I vowed to honor and respect and the man who held my fragile heart cocooned in his love was going to be buried today.
     
    Our limo picked us up early so that we could spend some time as a family alone with Jake before the burial. Each member of the family had a chance to visit the casket alone and give their last words to Jake. I chose to go last so I could be the last one to touch him.
     
    When it was my turn I walked slowly to the casket with tears running down my face ruining the make up Nancy had so lovingly put on me this morning to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I had brought Jake’s leather biker jacket and I placed it in the casket just in case he got cold. I also laid a picture of Aidan’s sonogram on Jake’s chest so he could find him in heaven. Finally I slid his grandfather’s watch on his wrist because after the excitement of the proposal on our anniversary I had decided to save it for a special occasion. This was not a special occasion but was Jake’s final occasion so I felt it was appropriate to leave it with him.
     
    The wake had been a closed casket because of the accident but for this last family goodbye the casket was open. Jake looked alien to me but when I grabbed his left hand I felt his wedding band and knew it by feel alone. I held onto his hand even when they were softly telling me it was time to go. Did they not realize what letting go meant?
     
    It meant I was alone and my husband, partner and father of my child would no longer be real to me. Since the very first time our eyes connected across the room at the fraternity party I had not truly pictured a life without him in it.
     
    All the times I had been scared he would not want me or discover he had made a mistake had just been surface fears. Jake was everything, my knight in shining armor, my best friend and my whole life. I knew I needed a strength I did not possess and I cursed God for taking away such a good soul.
     
    I took a deep breath and let Jake’s hand go knowing nothing would ever be the same. The funeral director had to escort me to the car because my legs were receiving mixed messages of go to him and at the same time he is gone. I needed to be with Jake to see him, touch him, kiss him and hold him safe and I somehow had to figure out how to accept my new reality.
     
    The same pastor who presided over Aidan’s burial was also at Jake’s. The homily was beautiful and personal because Jake’s family had been at the parish since he was a child. A bagpipe tribute and the singing of Amazing Grace followed the homily.
     
    My world was spinning out of control and I had no idea what was happening around me. I think I almost fainted several times and I might have even sat down once or twice. If Mike had not been standing between Lily and me there is a good chance I would have made a scene.
     
    I felt like I was swimming in Jell-O hearing the voices singing but feeling weighed down with grief and denial. I turned my head expecting to see Jake’s charming smile and adorable dimples walking up the pathway. I felt panic and realized there were so many things I still wanted to tell him and now it was too late.
     
    When the singing ended I grabbed my bouquet of roses and lilies and tossed them onto the casket. If Mike had not been holding on to me I think I would have jumped on the casket and never let him go. I turned into Mike’s chest and felt his devastation radiating off his body. His life would never be the same either.
     
    There were hugs and pats on the arm as others paid their respects. I noticed a tall man who looked like a younger version of Jake’s father hug Jake’s parents and I knew it must be Ash. Lily hugged him awakwardly but you could still feel the love and loss radiating off of him as he stared at the casket. He helped his parents to the car while Lily, Mike and I just sat staring at the casket until we were the only three left at the cemetery.
     
    We cried, laughed and told our