go straight to voicemail. But mostly, I tell her about the type of woman I’ve always been and how that woman is so opposite of what I was the night I met Leo. I thoroughly explain how much men annoy me, and have my whole life. I get furious whenever one of them checks me out, attempts to grab a seat next to me at the airport, just says “hello.” I can spot those schmucks a mile away, and my invariable response to them is to flash them my wedding ring, a dirty look, and walk away.
“If that’s the case, why didn’t you walk away from Leo? What made him so different?”
“There was nothing to walk away from. He never even approached me.”
“I see. What made you approach him then?”
“It’s so stupid.”
“Tell me.”
“He was just talking about something I thought was interesting. I guess I wanted to know more.”
Please don’t ask! Please don’t ask!
“What was it?”
Oh, Lordy.
“Ghosts. He was talking about ghosts.”
And I thought her Bridges of Madison County face was weird.
“I know, I know, it’s corny. Kurt thinks my fascination with ghosts is completely silly as well.”
“No, not silly at all.”
“Sure it is, but hearing Leo talk about them was, I dunno… almost serene. Anyway, I interrupted his conversation to ask him a question and he made me feel stupid, like I was some kind of bar whore or something. It was pretty embarrassing. I was gonna leave it at that, but as he turned back around to continue to talk to his buddy, our eyes met. Frankly, he intimidated me a little bit and I told him so. I mean, not in a bitchy way just in a sarcastic ‘are you always this pleasant’ kind of way. Anyway, my comment amused him and now I’m in therapy.”
I thought it was her turn to talk, but she’s just staring at me, waiting for me to say more.
“A few months ago, I read some stupid article in Cosmo about dating. I don’t know why really, because well…I’m married and obviously I don’t date. But anyway, it said the quickest way to determine true companionship is to interview your date the minute they show up at your door. Just put yourself totally out there and request they do the same. It’s supposed to speed up knowing if you should pursue a second date or end the first one on the spot. No sense wasting time right?”
Just a nod.
“Like if during the interview I confessed to being a diehard vegetarian and the guy revealed he loved veal, obviously we would immediately agree that we were totally wrong for each other, no matter what physical attraction originally existed.
“Seems like there would be no shame of rejection with a process like that.”
“Exactly! I mean, if a guy didn’t want to be with you, chances are you wouldn’t want to be with him either and you’d both know exactly why. And there’s no embarrassment… no heartbreak. As long as everyone’s honest, it seems like a very efficient way to find a true companion, right?”
Another nod, but at least this one shows some positive consideration for what I’m saying.
“Anyway, I know I wasn’t technically on a first date with Leo, but I thought it would be fun to try what I had read. Within the first hour of meeting him, we covered politics, abortion, religion, money, dreams, goals, fears, you name it. I honestly answered all of his questions and remarkably, he did the same, and what happened was insane. He liked me. The good, the bad, and the ugly, and I felt the same way about him. It was like every other second one of us was saying ‘me too’ or ‘I totally agree’!”
“Would you say you were 100% you?”
“More like 200%. I told him things I’ve never admitted to another human being.”
“If you don’t mind sharing, what was the craziest thing you told him?”
“That I wanted to be a good wife. I know… how twisted is that? There I am, a wife, flirting with a guy I met at a bar and I’m telling him I want to be a good wife. Makes me sick to my stomach.”
“What does it