Free The Life List (The List Trilogy) by Chrissy Anderson

Choices I was happy with, by the way.”
    “Do you think it’s possible to find true love after only knowing someone for a few days?”
    “I don’t know. But…I think meeting someone so perfect for you can make you question the true love you thought you already had. Hold on, are we talking about me or Francesca?”
    She says nothing, and the quiet allows me to ponder the movie a little bit more.
    “Remember when Francesca was toying with pulling the car door handle?”
    “Big moment, huh?”
    “Huge. You think she’s gonna get out and run. I mean she HAS TO right!? It’s her destiny to be with Robert! But then she peels her fingers away from the door handle, slumps back in her seat…crushed by her obligations.”
    I laugh a little.
    “What’s so funny?”
    “I watched the movie with Kurt, and I remember telling him that I thought she should’ve pulled the door handle. He looked at me like I was a monster. I quickly explained that I only said that because I imagined him as being Robert, he was the one I would have an affair with. Then he got angry that I would even suggest an affair. It became a big argument.”
    “What happened?”
    We had an argument. Duh! I just told you that.
    “Well, I tried to explain to him that he was my whole world and, married or not, I would escape any situation to be with him. I thought it was sweet, but instead of feeling moved by my confession, he pooh-poohed all of it. I dunno…maybe I didn’t explain myself right. Seems like I always have a hard time explaining myself to Kurt.”
    “Now that you’ve had this experience with Leo, how do you see yourself in that car scene from the movie?”
    It takes me a long time to process her question. When I finally answer, it’s slow.
    “Kurt and I are in the same car. Leo’s waiting for me in the truck ahead of us, and I can see his eyes in the rear view mirror, they’re pleading with me to run away with him.” Goosebumps pop up all over my arms, and I close my eyes in almost agonizing pain as I envision the scene I’m creating. “And my hand is gripping the door handle.”
    “Knowing you might not ever see Leo again, do you pull the handle?”
    My eyes pop wide open.
    “My situation is different than Francesca’s…I’m younger…I don’t have children.”
    “Are you saying it makes your choice easier?”
    “No…I’m saying that…I’m saying…I don’t know what I’m saying!
    I’ve never had anyone to compare Kurt to. He’s all I’ve ever known.”
    “Pretend you’re her and you have to make a choice. Do you pull it?”
    “I never wanted to be Francesca.”
    “Do you pull it?”
    I want to pull that pencil out of your hair and stab you in the face with it!
    “Chrissy?”
    “Damn it, my obligation tells me no, but the craving for whatever I felt on Saturday night tells me I have to, and I’m scared because craving is kicking obligation’s ass.”
    “Sometimes it’s easy to confuse safety with obligation. Do you think that’s what Francesca did?”
    I’m really starting to regret bringing up this movie.
    “You mean, do I think that’s what I’m doing? Look, maybe obligation was the wrong word. Bottom line is I love Kurt. He’s all I’ve ever loved, but since Saturday, that love feels like some kind of a sacrifice and it’s driving me crazy.”
    “Chrissy, you just traded in the word obligation for sacrifice.” For the love of Christ. Coming here was a huge mistake.
    “Dr. Maria, I came alive on Saturday night, and all I want to know is how to keep that feeling and go back to my life before I met Leo. Is that possible?”
    “Anything’s possible. Why don’t you tell me more about Saturday and the events leading up to it.”
    I tell her everything about the night I met Leo and the phone call the day after. I tell her about walking around aimlessly in the rain and my first ever orgasm. I tell her that I went days without thinking about my husband and that I let the few calls he did make to me