Free The Life List (The List Trilogy) by Chrissy Anderson Page B

mean to be a good wife to you?”
    “Being given the freedom to act how I want to act, do the things I want to do, so that I can enjoy my husband and make him happy. You know…I actually told Leo that I might want to quit my job and be a housewife one day. Yep, told him that I thought it was a good idea to keep my options open because, who knows what I’ll want when I have kids. Crap, I can barely admit that stuff to myself! Who blurts that out to someone they just met?”
    “Probably not many. I’m curious, have you ever tried this interview process with Kurt?”
    “Nah. It wouldn’t go well.”
    “Explain.”
    “I used to admit my hopes and dreams to Kurt, but it was clear they put too much pressure on him. So I stopped. The troubling thing about meeting Leo, other than the kissing and orgasm of course…”  I wanted her to think that was funny but I got nothing, “Is that I told him all the things I stopped telling Kurt a long time ago. I think that’s what’s bothering me so much.”
    “Do you think we can create a safe place in this office for you to tell Kurt your dreams?”
    “A week ago, I would’ve been doing back handsprings for an opportunity like that. But after meeting someone who’s so perfect for me, the reinvention of Kurt and Chrissy seems like such a struggle.”
    “So is that a no?”
    “I wouldn’t say it’s a no. It’s more of an uncertain yes.”
     She stops to tap her pencil on her pad of paper.
    “What do you think the best relationships are made of?”
    It’s funny, or maybe it’s sad, but I immediately draw on my short time with Leo for an answer.
    “Passion.”
    “Where do you think passion comes from?”
    What is this… a fucking game show!?
    “I dunno, when you have common ground with someone, when you agree more than you disagree…you get happy, you get connected.
    You get passion.”
    “I think so too.”
    You do ?
    “Couples don’t always agree, of course. But, I think the best relationships are about a shared vision. Shared visions create passion. Passion keeps people together.
    Kurt and I don’t have a shared vision, we never did. The flood gates are now open.
    “Do you need a tissue, Chrissy.”
    I grab four.
    “For three days I’ve been crying over what I did to Kurt, but right now I’m crying because of how sad it is that my dreams frustrate my husband to the point that I stopped having any with him. I managed to keep them to myself for a while, but that was totally frustrating. Eventually I just stopped dreaming altogether.”
    “That’s not good.”
    I blow my nose and think for a minute.
    “I always thought that life was just one long list of mostly unfulfilled dreams.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, we’re constantly dreaming of what we want to accomplish, places we want to go, people we want to meet. Obviously everything we dream about isn’t gonna come true, right?”
    “Right.”
    “Well, I think when one dream goes unfulfilled, you create another one to take its place so you always feel like you’re working towards something. Along the way, hopefully you can feel intermittent successes. Those little successes are what make life great. And I imagine what makes it even better is when you share the dreams, the old unfulfilled ones and the ones that take their place, with the person you love.”
    “I couldn’t agree more.”
    Here come the tears again.
    “But when you stop talking about your dreams with the person you love because he thinks they’re ridiculous, all that’s left is nonsense.”
    “When did you stop?”
    “I’m not sure exactly, because for a long time I assumed Kurt’s dreams as my own.”
    “Why?”
    “Because it made him happy and it made us look like a team.” I take a deep breath before I proceed. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve sacrificed too much of myself to be with Kurt, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why.”
    “Maybe you had your eye on the prize rather than on what you were actually