Free Her Teddy Bear by Mimi Strong

Part 1: Blind Date
    When my sister Nikki first told me about the blind date, I said to her, “If he's so freakin' fantastic, why don't YOU go out with him?”
    That was when I found out my big sister had an aversion to body hair. She'd always been a little odd, starting with plucking her eyebrows to thin lines when we were teens, and now, waxing everything, including her arms, but I had no idea this policy extended to other people. To men.
    “Exactly how hairy is this Trevor guy?” I asked.
    We were sitting on the back porch of our parents' house, as we usually did every Sunday night. Dad was futzing around with the pork chops on the new barbecue (this one was hooked into the gas line, so nobody had to go on propane runs mid-meal anymore). I was comfortable there, on the porch, with my mojito in hand. Maybe too comfortable, and that was Nikki's point, I think.
    “He's a grown man,” she said, not answering my question about hairiness.
    “Sasquatch hairy?”
    She rolled her eyes. “Grow up, Naomi. You can't be a kid forever, getting taken care of by Mom and Dad.”
    Just then, my mother came by to freshen my beverage, unwittingly proving my big sister's point. Yeah, I was comfortable, and I didn't want to grow up. I'd moved back in with my parents after college to save some money, whereas Nikki was moving up the corporate ladder while paying off loans and renting a house with friends.
    Mom paused, pitcher in hand, keenly aware that a sisterly conflict of sorts was brewing. “What's up?”
    Nikki said, “I've got a fantastic guy for Naomi, but she's being stubborn and won't go.”
    Mom did that audible intake of breath, the one she does right before she picks my sister's side.
    “Oh, I'm going on the date,” I said, cocky as hell, thanks to my second mojito. “I'm just pulling your leg, Nik. He sounds great, really.”
    She narrowed her eyes. “Really.”
    I locked gazes with her. “Really.”
    And that was how I got roped into a stupid blind date with some divorced lonely dude from her office. I anticipated nothing short of full-scale disaster. Poor bugger was probably in love with my sister, anyway, and agreed to go out with me to curry favor with Nikki the hairless wonder.
    At least that was what I was thinking five days later, when I got dressed up for the date, putting on my trashiest, skankiest, nastiest bar outfit, with fishnets and everything.
    * * *
    Friday
    When Mom saw me pop upstairs for a glass of water before going on my blind date, she said, “No.”
    “Too much?” I looked down at the bustier I'd bought for a midnight performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show . Performing had been a big part of my college experience, with all my theater major friends. The sparkling, gold-hued bustier almost fit, almost kept my boobs under control.
    She said, “Not too much , no. More like not enough.”
    “Ha ha,” I said. I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror and saw what she saw: a carnival freak. A fun carnival freak, but a slutty one.
    Mom said, “That doesn't give a good first impression.”
    I bit my lip. She was right.
    I'd sworn off sex, as it always turned into a disaster for me, and there was no way I'd be boinking my sister's lame co-worker, so I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. It would make me feel good to have him eyeballing my cleavage, but I didn't want to have to fend him off all night either. Besides, we were going to a movie. And that movie was not The Rocky Horror Picture Show .
    My head hanging low, I clomped back to my room and got changed into something a little more Mom-approved.
    I wanted to scare the heck out of this work-friend of Nikki's, really give them all something to talk about at the office, but I could do that in a more demure outfit. I could probably do it with my personality alone, really.
    I put on cable-knit tights, a blue pencil skirt, and a fitted T-shirt with pale pink and cream stripes. The ensemble was cute, spunky, and didn't clash with