Free Disenchanted by C L Raven

in fur and fleas when I'm trying to sell it."
    "You're a real Prince
Charming, aren't you?" Mephistopheles hissed. "You cabbage patch
troll."
    I inwardly cringed.
    "What did you call me?"
He lifted me by my collar and slammed me into the wall.
    "It wasn't me! It was-"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mephistopheles sharpening his claws with the
letter opener. I sighed and did the only thing I could think of - I head butted
Rob.
    He stumbled backwards, dropping
me. I hit the floor then he kicked me in the ribs.
    "Dad was right. You're a
useless waste of a life. You're not spending another minute here. I've put up
with your idiocy for long enough. Hell, I've even covered for you."
    "When the fuck did you ever
cover for me?" I leapt up. "You stood there and watched while he kicked the shit out of me!"
    "Look how he got rewarded
for it," Mephistopheles said. "What've you got for all the years you
were abused, demeaned, spat on? Nothing .
He doesn't deserve the house. D'you think he'll give
you any money from the sale? No, he'll spend it on whores and booze." He
held out the letter opener. "Teach him a lesson."
    "You know what?" Rob
snarled. "You deserved it!"
    I grabbed the letter opener and
stabbed it into Rob's neck. He fell to the floor, gurgling. Shock immobilised
me. The only other person I'd seen die was our father. Rob pulled the dagger
out. It slipped from his crimson grasp, his blood seeping across the floor. He
weakly grabbed my leg, his lifeless eyes staring into mine. Mephistopheles
leapt onto the windowsill and checked his boots for blood.
    "You have to get rid of the
body. Get shot of the carpet too. He's ruined it by bleeding all over it. It's
disgusting anyway. Buy a time machine and send it back to the seventies."
    "What have I done ?" I ran my shaking hand over
my head.
    "Do I need to recap it with
witty commentary and slow action replay?" He headed upstairs. "Which
room's mine?"
    "What about the bed I stole
for you?"
    "Why would I sleep in a
wigwam when I can have your bed?"
    "You pestered me for that
bloody wigwam!"
    "Dude, the Egyptians
worshipped cats as gods. I want you to remember that."
    "They also pulled people's
brains out through their noses."
    He disappeared with a flick of
his tail that looked suspiciously like he was flipping me off. I stared at
Rob's blood streaked body. I cleared the hall then pulled up the carpet and
wrapped Rob in it. I shouted for Mephistopheles. He hurried down the stairs.
    "This had better be
important. I need sixteen hours of sleep a day."
    "It's done."
    "What d'you want? A round of applause?"
    "What do I do now?"
    "Leave him out for the
council to collect."
    "What?"
    "Did someone pull your
brains out through your nose? Get rid of him before he stinks the place out. My
olfactory senses are very delicate."
    "I don't have a car."
    "Your brother does."
    I rang Pierre. After I'd talked
to him for five minutes, Mephistopheles made a rolling motion with his front
leg.
    "Hurry up, my stomach thinks
my throat's been cut. Can you hear that? That's the sound of hungerbugs marching through my stomach."
    "They sound like
purrs." I hung up.
    "I didn't realise you were
fluent in Feline. You can barely speak English." He trotted into the
kitchen and sat at the table. "Do I have to open the damn pouch
myself?"
    I sighed and fetched his bowl and
a pouch of food. I squeezed half into his bowl.
    "I didn't order that."
    "You haven't even tried
it."
    "I don't want it."
    I chose another flavour and
squeezed half in.
    "I'm not eating that. It
smells like worms."
    "You haven't even looked at it!"
    "I swear you want me to starve ."
    After another three flavours, he
ate his biscuits, glaring at me over his bowl and muttering about the shoddy
service. I sighed and went into the hall, stopping when I saw Rob's feet
sticking out of the rolled up carpet. I stepped over him and sat on the stairs
with my head in my hands. Mephistopheles purred and nudged my arm.
    "I buried my father, got
evicted from my