Free Defining Love: Volume 3 (Defining Love #3) by Elizabeth Reyes

to do this, but I’m not
ending our friendship. I want that still. I need you in my life. I’ve
been so afraid of that part of our relationship ending. It’s why I was hoping
this would work, but it’s not right. And the longer this goes on, the more
painful it’ll be later.”
    She stared at me as she swatted tears away. Then I saw her notice
the blanket and pillow on the sofa behind me. She glanced back at me, and I
could see it had finally sunk in. This was really happening. “I could hardly wait
to get back to you,” she whispered.
    “I’m still here,” I said, feeling completely choked up. “I missed
you too. I’m not going anywhere.”
    Spinning around, she grabbed her bag and started to her room.
    “Edi,” I called out, but she shook head, lifting her hand in the
air as if to say she was done talking.
    The door closed behind her, and I buried my face in the palms of
my hands. I hated the thought of her crying herself to sleep. But I was certain
that would be the case because I knew I would.
    As hard as it was to do that and as much as it hurt my heart to
know she was hurting, I thought of Aaron’s words today. It was the right
thing to do. I know with time I’ll feel even better about having done it.
    God, I hoped he was right.
    ~~~
    The following morning was surprisingly less brutal than
I thought it’d be. I could hardly believe I’d slept through Edi leaving. She
was gone when I woke. But then I’d tossed and turned most the night so when I
finally fell asleep I must’ve knocked out good. Of course, knowing Edi, I thought
she’d probably done her best not to wake me to avoid having to talk to me.
    I tried to go about my day as usual, though I could hardly
concentrate on anything. Not only were thoughts of Edi and what was going to
happen with us invading my mind all day, thoughts of Aaron never really left my
mind either. I considered calling him more than once but just couldn’t. I felt
guilty enough that what should be all-consuming reflections of loss and fear
about what was going to happen between Edi and me were being drowned out by
thoughts of him .
    Thursday morning I was beyond relieved to hear Edi say she
thought it’d be best if she attended her friend’s party that Friday alone. I’d
been dreading it from the moment I realized she might still be expecting me to
go with her. We’d barely exchanged a few words the whole week, and she’d
noticeably been avoiding being the same room with me for too long, but when she
told me, she’d sounded genuinely apologetic. She said she didn’t want me to
think she was doing it to spite me.
    “Astrid will probably be there like she has been at other parties
since you and me . . .” She cleared her throat. “But I don’t want you to think
I’m running back to her or that I’m looking to hook up with anyone. I’m not
like that. I wouldn’t do that to you. I just need some time with my other
friends—alone.”
    She left out “to vent,” but I knew that’s what she meant and I
understood. They’d likely have a hate-fest like the ones she’d never actually
admitted they’d had before, but it was what I called them. I’d obsessed so much
about my relationship with Edi that I’d read up enough to know the lesbian
community even had a name for what they were very likely assuming I was—a LIC:
Lesbian In College. And they weren’t particularly fond of LICs.
    In other words, I was just experimenting and trying both teams
for my own pleasure but ultimately knew which team I was really playing for. I
didn’t like the implication because it wasn’t true. Edi knew I’d never toy with
her heart or willfully hurt her. She knew I truly loved her as my friend and
that was the only reason I agreed to even try this in the first place.
While I hated that she might be having this kind of hateful conversation about
me Friday, maybe not actually saying the hateful things but her friends filling
her head with the ideas, I was glad she felt well