Free Zero by Jonathan Yanez Page B

“Yeah, depressed
and angry now too.”
    The doctor cocked her head to the
side, “Angry? What’s making you angry, Alan?”
    “Life. That I can’t kick this feeling
of depression. That it will never go away. I hate not being able to do anything
to feel better.”
    The doctor nodded scribbling notes on
a pad she held just close enough to keep Alan from seeing what she was writing.
“These feelings of depression, are they rooted anywhere specifically?”
    “Everywhere. The only time I feel like
I can get away is when I lose myself in a book.”
    The doctor grinned, “Which book are
you reading now?”
    Alan leaned down to reach into his
worn backpack lying by his feet. He pulled out a red covered paperback and
handed it to the doctor.
    She took the book and flipped through
a few pages. “I should have guessed, another book about ancient Greece, gods
and mortals, Spartans and legendary creatures.”
    Alan nodded with a smile. Even the
mention of those words brought images to his mind that allowed him to forget
his own reality for a few seconds and escape into a world he knew well.
    “Alan,” the doctor handed the book
back to him. “There isn’t anything wrong with having a healthy appetite for
fantastical books, especially at your age. But you have to try and balance that
out with living your life in the present. Living here and now.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean, you need to take steps to
better yourself everyday. I know it’s hard but start small and I promise that
getting outside of your shell will be easier and easier. Start by talking to
someone you don’t know at school. Maybe just saying a hello.”
    Alan didn’t say anything out loud but
inside he was thinking, Yeah, okay, that’s going to happen. I’m depressed
enough, even having suicidal thoughts without being blown off by someone I
actually try and talk to.
    “Isn’t there a dance tonight?”
    Alan looked at the doctor like she had
recently escaped a mental institute and he had just found her eating grass in a
field. “Yeah, there is a dance but I’m not going.”
    “Why not?”
    “Are you kidding me? There isn’t
enough time in our hour session for me to explain to you the reasons why not.”
    “Try me. And stop looking at me like
I’m an alien.”
    Despite himself Alan had to grin at
her response. “Well, I don’t have a date. I don’t have clothes. I don’t have a
way to get there and I have no desire to be there. And even if I was there, I
would be alone anyway, so what’s the point?”
    Dr. Larson nodded, her glasses
reflecting off of the sun from the open window. “There will always be excuses,
Alan. There will always be reasons it would be easier to not try at all. I’m
sure you’ve read about plenty of heroes that would have had a much easier life
if they made excuses and took the easier route. I would consider the idea that
it is better to try and fail, than to not try at all.”
    Alan bit back a sarcastic comment but
he knew she was right.
    “Alan, you said you were frustrated
about not being able to do anything about your depression, right?”
    “Right.”
    “Well, here is something you can
actively do. Try it. For one day, one day, Alan get outside of your comfort
zone and you may be surprised at what happens next.”
    Alan was about to open his mouth to
tell her again the reasons he couldn’t do that when a knock on the door
interrupted their meeting.
    “Come in,” Dr. Larson said glancing at
the watch that hung off of her slender wrist.
    The door cracked open just an inch and
the elderly female secretary’s voice could be heard from the other side. “Oh, I’m
sorry to disturb you, Doctor, but your next appointment is here.”
    “Thank you. We are just finishing up.”
    The door closed in response. Dr.
Larson stood up handing Alan back his book. Alan had to stop himself from
looking the Doctor up and down.
    Eye contact, keep eye contact.
    Dr. Lisa Larson was a recent college
graduate and couldn’t