Free Zero by Jonathan Yanez

Chapter 1
     
    Just one step and it would all be over . Alan
teetered on the ledge of the fifty-story building. The cold wind whipped around
him at dangerous speeds flirting with his tuxedo jacket and short blond hair.
    Well, you came here to do it. You
came all this way.
    Alan looked at the streetlights stretching
out in every direction, at the trim landscape so far below him. He swayed as
the power of the wind tried to pull him over the ledge prematurely. Alan winced
as the cold breeze forced itself against his face.
    An ache reminded Alan of his black eye
as he squinted. Reaching a hand to his face, Alan felt the swollen area around
his right eye socket.
    That’s going to leave a mark. It’s
going to have to be a closed-casket funeral… What are you talking about? Nobody
is going to come to your funeral anyway.
    Alan bit his lip at the harsh but true
thought, immediately regretting his decision. Pain and fresh blood gushed from
his recently spilt lip. Alan grunted to the lonely night as the pain subsided.
    The air was cold and dark. Fitting, Alan thought, for this night to be my last . The night he died would be
just like the life he lived. He hadn’t asked to be born, but he was. He hadn’t
wanted to be depressed and angry all the time but he was. It seemed like he
didn’t have too many choices in this world except for this one. He did have the
choice to end his own life.
    One step, just one jump and it can
all be over. No more pills, no more being alone, no more looks of disgust
directed your way from kids at school or the adults you know. One step, Alan,
come on you can do this.
    Alan swayed once again in the wind.
Goosebumps prickled at his hands and neck. A shiver ran down his spine. For all
the many reasons Alan wanted to jump there was only one holding him back. It
was giving in to defeat. More than anything Alan hated to lose. If he did jump
he knew he would be giving up, on—everything.
    You tried; you tried it all. This
isn’t giving up. This is your last unexplored option. You did everything you
could, especially today and you still ended up looking like a loser. You still
ended up alone.
    Alan looked down at his fancy clothes.
The tuxedo, the boutonnière, the clothes all the cool guys wore in the movies-the
clothes that were supposed to make him feel better about himself. They hadn’t.
    For a moment Alan wondered how pissed
the tuxedo rental store would be that he had died and ruined one of their
suits. Then he wondered if they could, would they salvage the suit and re-rent
it?
    Alan shook his head as he inched
closer to the edge of the building. Looking down made his head swim. The ground
below him zoomed in and out like a high-powered camera lens trying to focus.
    It’s not giving up. How can it be
after today? You tried everything. You’ll always be a loser; you’ll always be
angry and depressed. This has to be the way… doesn’t it?
    As Alan once again debated whether he
should take his own life or not, the wind made the final decision for him. A
violent gust came up behind him and before Alan could step back or try to
regain his balance, he was pushed over the edge. Buildings all around him
rushed by as Alan headed face first to the unforgiving cement floor below.
    It was then that Alan knew he wanted
to live. It was too late now but he knew that this was giving up. This was the
easy way out. In that moment as the earth rushed to meet him, he knew he wanted
to see the next day. A burning desire heated him from the inside out, a desire
that told him to survive.
    The ground came closer and closer,
only seconds away from embracing him. Alan’s life didn’t rush before his eyes
in his final moments like everyone says it does. Instead, the events from that specific
day did.

 Chapter 2
     
    “Alan, you’re going to miss the bus.
Hurry up, you can’t afford to be late again.”
    Alan ran down the creaking stairs
grabbing his worn backpack in one hand and trying to wrestle his