Free A Fate Worse Than Death by Jonathan Gould Page A

practice . It took over a week to sort things out, but in the end the solution we came up with was these procedures.”
    “So that’s how you ended up becoming a celestial paper pusher.”
    “I suppose I am,” said Peter as he pushed more paper. “To be honest, I never particularly liked the procedures, right from the beginning. I don’t get anywhere near the job satisfaction that I used to. I miss the personal aspects, the chance to meet and talk to the people as they come through. These days, all I seem to be doing is filling in charts and spreadsheets, and making sure quotas are met. Or, more likely, fixing other people’s mistakes. I mean, just look at this.” Peter waved a sheet in front of my face. “They’ve completely messed up the date of birth section. Apparently this person, who has just died, isn’t due to be born for another thirteen years.”
    I looked over the sheet. “That’s nothing. According to this, he had no children, but somehow he was blessed with seventeen grandchildren.”
    Peter looked at the sheet again. “Yes, but one of those grandchildren is his father, and another three are his great aunts.”
    “Now it’s starting to make sense.”
    Peter shook his head. “It might sound funny to you, but to me it’s no laughing matter. Do you know there’s already been one serious mistake? We’ve actually allowed someone totally undeserving to pass through the Gates and into Heaven. A nasty little journalist called Alby Stark.”
    “I have had the pleasure of meeting Mr Stark.”
    “So you know the story. Believe me, it never would have happened in the old days. You wouldn’t believe the kerfuffle it caused.”
    “But thanks to God’s son Phil, Mr Stark got to stay in Heaven. How did you feel about that?”
    “Relief, mostly. The whole episode was highly embarrassing to me. Otherwise, I can’t say I felt too strongly. Not like that angel, Sally.”
    “Sally didn’t like the decision?” Now this was starting to get interesting.
    “Not at all. It seems she has some pretty strong ideas about the sorts of people who should be allowed into Heaven.”
    “She has a particular problem with scruffy private investigators.”
    “So she’s been at you too,” said Peter. “She’s trouble, that one. I don’t understand why God puts up with her. I guess only He is capable of seeing her inner beauty.”
    “I suspect the outer beauty has a bit to do with it.”
    Peter put a finger up to his lips. “Such talk is not worthy of us. All I will say is she gave me quite an earful over it. But I got off lightly compared to Phil. You should have seen her ranting and raving at him. To this day, I don’t think she’s forgiven him. Not that any of it seemed to bother him. Have you had the chance to meet Phil? You seem to have met just about everybody else.”
    “I haven’t actually met him yet, but I’ve heard so much about him that I feel like I know him.”
    “He’s a smart kid. Most of the procedures we decided upon at the crisis meeting were his idea. He’s got a great head for that sort of thing.”
    “So Phil is the one you have to thank for making your job so much less rewarding?” As I asked the question, I watched Peter’s face carefully to see what he might give away.
    Peter wasn’t rising to any bait. He frowned and put the papers down. Then he answered, speaking slowly and carefully.
    “I don’t blame Phil for any of this, if that’s what you’re suggesting. No one more than me recognises the need for these procedures. I’m not denying that I preferred it the old way, but I also know you have to move with the times. Things are always changing and you have to be able to deal with them. If it wasn’t for Phil, I don’t know how we would have coped.”
    “So you’re not upset with Phil?”
    “Of course I’m not upset with him. He’s a great kid. I wish I could have more chances to catch up with him. Apparently he’s even more snowed under than I am.”
    At that