Free Wise Folly by Rita Clay

the bentwood rocker and stared at the rooftop garden of the penthouse apartment . The large windows allowed the late afternoon sun to warm the room with a bright cheeriness. As Dianna waited for whatever happened next, the sun streaked across her lap and shoulders . She slowly relaxed, accepting w hatever would happen , would happen. She couldn't second guess anymore. Her eyes clouded with visions of the past that reached out to overwhelm her. She was tired—too tired to pit herself against the force of a will much stronger than hers. Her daughter was already suffer ing for trying. She was having trouble thinking straight
    Her thoughts said that she was thankful for Catherine Sinclair's interruption earlier, but her body still ached for the fulfillment of Noah’s lovemaking - j ust as she had seven years ago, when Noah had last held her in his arms. It was frightening. At that time she had thought all men were uncaring animals. She had imagined that any contact with a man wasn't in the cards for her.
    She 'd known Noah’s tender kisses before the rape.  Af ter the rape , she'd known his gentle hands on her skin as he washed her bruised body and dried her tears, the reassurance of his understanding words as he told her over and over that she was still a wonderful person. She had known the sweetness of his gentle kisses . . . .
    That night—that night Noah had carried her up to the apartment from the car where Charles had been so violent. She had hidden her face in Noah’s shoulder, softly moaning as he held her in the elevator, making soothing sounds while waiting impatiently for the elevator to reach its destination at the top of the building He had undressed her and washed her from a basin of warm water at her bedside. The washcloth was pristine-soft white and the soap sweet smelling . Both erase d the scent of pine after-shave , stale wine and shame . He had stayed with her all the time except for when the Doctor came to see her. And he'd returned as soon as he'd seen the Doctor out.
    Her mumblings had continued and the tears trickled down her face as he drew the story from her. When she had choked out the last words, he held her like a baby until she had fallen asleep in his arms, content in his impersonal, soothing touch. She awoke suddenly every few hours only to realize she was with Noah and relax ed , then fall asleep again . She was afraid to face the daylight and the problems it would bring. She wanted to remain unconscious until the pain was gone. Only it would not go away. It was irreversible.
    L arge blue bruises disappeared within a few days , turning yellow, then fading away. But her soul was bruised, too , and it had never really recovered. She had been violated in the worst possible way ; by force .
    She knew the violation had nothing to do with making love. She wasn’t even sure it had anything to do with sex—at least, not as she had thought of it . Char l es had lashed out at her because she was available . She knew that yet she couldn’t feel sympathy or understanding for what he had done. All she could feel was a growing flame of hatred burning deep in the pit of her stomach like liquid metal.
    One night about a week later she had awakened to find she was alone and the apartment was in darkness. Her nerves tensed immediately . Could Charles find his way here and wait until Noah was gone, then attack her again? Slowly she crept from bed and made her way to the living room. Moonlight streamed through the glass walls, illuminating the stark , modern forms of furniture. It must have been very late, for most of the city lights were darkened, leaving eerie holes in the landscape.
    Suddenly panic like she had never known before welled up in her throat and she let out a cry , falling to the floor as she finally allowed the terrifying emotions that had built up over the past days to explode within her. Sobs shook her slight frame, deep sobs that racked her insides. She rubbed her skin abrasively against