Free Catastrophe Practice by Nicholas Mosley

knew where I was. Now they’re getting into government. And I’m most of the time in my room —
    He stops and looks over the footlights
.
    What do you think this is, a Sunday School?
    He puts his hands on his heart
.
    Come along then. Coop! Coop!
    After a time he holds his hands out in front of him as if they contained a bird. Then he opens his hands and shakes them. He looks to the back of the auditorium as if the bird has flown away there
.
HARRY
Are there aeroplanes flying?
BARMAN
Yes, there was one in nineteen hundred and two I think.
HARRY
What happened?
BARMAN
It went into a tree.
    He turns from the audience and goes behind the bar and puts glasses and bottles from the shelves on to the counter
.
    Harry comes to the bar and sits on a stool. After a time he says as if it were the name of a game —
HARRY
— Can I have a drink? —
    The Barman seems to follow his lead —
BARMAN
— No I haven’t got any change —
    The Barman places the bottles around on the counter as if he were arranging pieces for a game
.
    Harry watches him. Then he murmurs —
HARRY
On this strange landscape —
BARMAN
Do I know you?
    Harry and the Barman look at the pieces on the counter. It is as if they are uncertain of the nature of the game
.
    Harry seems to quote —
HARRY
— Open your mouth —
BARMAN
— And in she pops them —
    After a time Harry bangs on the counter and yells —
HARRY
Can we have some discipline in this establishment!
BARMAN
Coming, sir! Sorry!
    The Barman takes a glass and fills it
.
    Harry looks round the room. He says tentatively —
HARRY
What is it, a hairdresser’s?
    The Barman pushes the full glass towards him. Harry says more confidently —
    Broken needles everywhere! Shit —
BARMAN
We had a party last night, sir. A lot of young gentlemen —
    Harry seems to quote —
HARRY
— On a dark night —
BARMAN
— Just down from the trees —
    Harry pores over the counter
.
    After a time the Barman goes to the machine at the end of the bar, right, and pulls a lever
.
    The machine emits a puff of steam
.
    The Barman carries two mugs from the machine and sets them down in front of Harry. Harry watches them. Then he murmurs —
HARRY
Where did it go —
BARMAN
You remember?
    He looks to the back of the auditorium
.
    Harry does not look up
.
    The Barman moves off round the stage again
.
    You know what this place once was? A bloody great house with lawns and gardens. A polo ground. A moat —
    He wipes his hands on his body as if disgusted
.
HARRY
No, I think those stories were greatly exaggerated —
    Harry turns away, as if he were bored with the rules of the game
.
BARMAN
Coming and going all night.
HARRY
With a little black bag —
BARMAN
An aerial —
HARRY
Like the Defence Ministry?
    They wait. It is as if the Barman is not quite sure if the game is over
.
BARMAN
Would you like a drink? —
HARRY
Oh this one’s on me.
    The Barman seems to quote —
BARMAN
— Have you got water and oil —
HARRY
— Don’t look now, Daddy —
    Harry picks up a mug and drinks
.
    After a time the Barman comes to the front of the stage. He acts —
BARMAN
We’re off to Rome! The hula girls beneath the palm trees! A few minutes to go! Just time for a cup of tea! Hold on to me, daddy, or we’ll never cross the road. What did you say this place was? We’re outside our own hotel, daddy —
    He stares out above the audience
.
    Harry speaks with his back to the Barman and the audience
.
HARRY
You live here?
BARMAN
In a room downstairs —
HARRY
It wasn’t a big house. A lawn and garden —
    The Barman interrupts —
BARMAN
She won’t speak to me —
HARRY
Who?
BARMAN
My wife.
    Harry seems to try to go on with his story —
HARRY
— Aeroplanes flew over. There were connections between the control-tower and the ground —
    The Barman interrupts