Free Prayer-Cushions of the Flesh by Magnus Irvin Robert Irwin Page B

being so besotted with this woman that he was neglecting affairs of state. A lesser man might have been angry at being so admonished by his councillors, but my brother was a great king. So he had slaves summon Rasya. Then she came hurrying to him, swaying and all glorious in her finery and she stood before my brother looking at him with loving eyes. He asked the elders to admire her and, one by one, they each admitted that they too would be neglecting affairs of state, if they had been blest with such a beautiful bedmate. Then my brother, the king, nodded and asked Rasya to come closer. She did as she was told and he swiftly cut her throat with his dagger, soaking himself in her blood as he did so. “I am master of myself, just as I am master of my tribe,” he said and with that he dismissed the elders.’
    ‘Naturally, this scene made a great impression on me. But soon there was another very beautiful woman installed in Rasya’s place. Makala, I think she was called. She lasted only a few months. This time the councillors did not even have to complain, before my brother, fearing that he was becoming too dependent on her, killed her. But then there was another woman … and another. I went away and thought. I was very like my brother and I too feared that I might become obsessed with a woman – or women. And the problem was one not just for me and my brother. All the men in our tribe went about maddened by sex. Moreover, there were not enough desirable women to go around. Things had got to the point that the men of our tribe would go to the river in the hope of sex with crocodiles. (It seems foolish now, but we were all young then.) You know that the female crocodile when she is preparing to mate turns over on her back so that the male may mount her. Whenever they saw that happening, the men of my tribe would rush out and kill or at least drive off the male. The female finds it very difficult to get back to her normal position, so then we would take it in turns to mount her, while she thrashed helplessly about. I had sex with crocodiles twice. I recall how foolish they looked as I caressed their throats. It was supposed to be lucky to do so – an augury of success in one’s future career and so it has proved for me, for now I am Chief Eunuch of the Ottoman Harem.’
    Emerald sucked in his breath and looked proudly round him, before continuing,
    ‘But I digress. I was about to describe the manner of my becoming a eunuch. I realised that if I was not to remain the emotional prey of any passing woman – or crocodile – a more root-and-branch solution would be necessary. I did not want to pass through life without reflecting. Rather, I wanted to direct my future according to the principles of pure reason. I wanted to use the head that was between my shoulders to guide me in my destiny and I did not want a second head, which was between my legs, telling me to do mad things and countermanding the first head. I needed to escape the prison that my sex had made for me and to be free of the rise and fall of my cock.’
    ‘So I paid to be made a eunuch. It was not cheap and it was not without pain. I had a complete job done. Both the cock and the testicles were removed, so I am one of the sandali , or clean-cut eunuchs. I was buried up to my head in sand for three days to cauterise the wound and I had nothing to drink all that time. But it was worth it. I was not against women, you understand. I liked women. I still do. It was sex I was against – all that ridiculous jigggling up and down and those messy fluids. Even so, things have not quite worked out as I had planned … ’
    ‘Emerald!’ said Anadil warningly.
    ‘Ah no, I was thinking about the time of the peris. That was before your time, Anadil. This was in the days when Bayezit still ruled and before our present Valide Sultan had reached even the rank of Parrot. This was when I entered the Harem, for, once I had had myself castrated, I decided to take advantage of