Free Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) by Mark Ravenhill

hand.
    Gary      Some people you just give it away, don’t you?
    Lulu      Let’s sit down, shall we? Let’s all just sit.
    They sit
.
    Well, look at this mess. If you don’t watch yourself, you just revert, don’t you? To the playground or canteen and suddenly it’s all food fights and mess.
    So let’s be adults. Not much but I think I can still . . . a portion. Anyone?
    Darling?
    Mark      No.
    Robbie      So – you’re special?
    Gary      He thinks so.
    Robbie      He said that? He told you that?
    Mark      Come on now. Leave him alone.
    Gary      Yes. He said that.
    Robbie      Tell me.
    Mark (
to
Robbie )     Leave him alone.
    Robbie      I want to know.
    Lulu      Pudding is going to be quite a surprise I can tell you. / I’m really looking forward to pudding.
    Robbie      Tell me what he said to you.
    Gary      He said: I love you.
    Mark      It wasn’t those words.
    Gary      Yeah, yeah. I love you. I’d be lost without you.
    Mark      I never said those words.
    Robbie (
to
Gary )     You’re lying. Fucking lying.
    Robbie
leaps on
Gary
and starts to strangle him
.
    Gary      No. It’s true. Please. ’S true. He loves me.
    Mark      Leave him alone. Get off. Off.
    Mark
attacks
Robbie ,
who is attacking
Gary .
    Lulu
tries to protect the ready meals, but most are crushed in the melee
.
    Lulu      Stop it. Stop. Now.
    Mark
succeeds in pulling
Robbie
off
Gary .
The fight subsides.
    Gary      Loony. You’re a fucking headcase, you are.
    Lulu      Come on leave it now leave it.
    Gary      Fucking going for me.
    Lulu      Ssssh . . . quiet . . . quiet.
    Long pause
.
    Robbie      ‘I love you.’
    Lulu      Forget it.
    Robbie      That’s what he said you said.
    Mark      I never said – because – look – I don’t.
    Exit
Mark .
    Lulu      Mess. Look at this. Why is everything such a mess?
    Lulu
scrapes up as much as she can on to the tray and exits
. Robbie
and
Gary
regard each other in silence
.
    Gary      He
does
love me. He did say that.
    Robbie      Did he do this thing – ask you to lick his balls while he came?
    Gary      Yeah. Have you . . . ?
    Robbie      Too many times. I’m his boyfriend.
    Gary      He doesn’t do nothing for me, alright?
    Robbie      No? Not your type?
    Gary      He’s too soft.
    Pause
.
    Do you love him?
    Robbie      Yes.
    Pause
.
    Gary      It’s all gentle with him. That’s not what I’m after. Got to find this bloke. I know he’s out there. Just got to find him.
    Robbie      Someone who’s not gentle?
    Gary      Yeah, something strong. Firm, you know.
    Robbie      Yes.
    Gary      You think he’s cruel but really he’s looking out for you. I’m going to be somewhere. I’ll be dancing. Shopping. Whatever. And he’ll fetch me. Take me away.
    Robbie      If he exists.
    Gary      You what?
    Robbie      If he really exists.
    Gary      You saying I’m lying?
    Robbie      I didn’t say that.
    I think . . . I think we all need stories, we make up stories so that we can get by.
    And I think a long time ago there were big stories. Stories so big you could live your whole life in them. The Powerful Hands of the Gods and Fate. The Journey to Englightenment. The March of Socialism. But they all died or the world grew up or grew senile or forgot them, so now we’re all making up our own stories. Little stories. It comes out in different ways. But we’ve each got one.
    Gary      Yes.
    Robbie      It’s lonely. I understand. But you’re not alone. I could help. I’m offering to help. Where you gonna start? Maybe I know what you’re looking for.
    Gary      A helping hand. What do you wanna do that for?
    Robbie      For a fee.
    Gary      Yeah?
    Robbie      Yeah. Pay me and you’ll get what you