Free The Cauliflower by Nicola Barker

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    Now that’s the Nat Mandir or theater hall.… It’s on the other side of the … the Kali Temple compound and it … it echoes the Radhakanta temple architecturally with all of the … you know … the grand flourishes: a series of majestic pillars supporting a flat roof, the smart white-and-red finish.… But if you just—Quick! While you have the chance: In the far right-hand corner of the screen you can see the magnificent wedding-cake form of the nine-spired Kali Temple, which stands on its high platform, accessible via a grand flight of stairs. It’s in the—you probably can’t see from this angle; we’re suddenly flying up rather close—but it’s in the traditional Bengal style and rises to a height of over thirty meters . …
    Oh. We’ve nipped around the back. Up ahead is the big tank (or reservoir) with its plate-washing ghat ; this is basically the business end of the structure. If we’d had a chance to get a better … if we’d … because the courtyard of the Kali Temple is fenced in on three sides by a neatly balconied rectangular wall of offices and kitchens and guest rooms and temple stores.… In fact … just to the right of this vast tank you can get a fleeting glimpse at a big pile of construction materials. The Rani started building in 1847, so it’s taken her almost eight years thus far and there’s still plenty to …
    Oh. These are the orchards. This really is a prodigious plot—almost twenty acres, in total, and it was originally the site of an ancient, but long abandoned, Moslem cemetery. In fact if we could … if we could just fly a little higher for a moment (we can’t—we aren’t—forgive my mordant laugh/groan) you’d see that the whole thing is in the shape of a giant tortoise shell (lower on the edges, higher at the center), which is considered highly auspicious to the …
    Another orchard. Everything newly planted and incredibly lush. To the right (or the east) are the imposing main entrance gates, although we probably won’t get a chance to—to the left … ah … the kuthi —can you…? No. Well, it’s the beautiful mansion the Rani had built for when she and her family are in residence. It will mainly be used to house important guests and host lavish events. Although for many years Sri Ramakrishna himself will inhabit a big room on the ground floor to the western corner of …
    Two more tanks … yes … One is the goose tank.… We’re heading north—no, south—you’ll see the tiny compass rotating crazily at the base of the screen.… I’m not sure if … oh! Yes. And this is actually quite a significant area in the Ramakrishna story—that’s … to the top left … that’s the ancient bael tree (or vilwa ) in the densely forested area, or “wilderness,” at the northern boundary of the compound, where Ramakrishna first removed his sacred thread (much to his poor nephew Hriday’s abundant horror) while meditating, alone, at night, and where, if you look—sharp right! Very quickly—you will see the Government Magazine just beyond the boundary, with its affable Sikh guards whom Ramakrishna became very friendly with during the course of—and the …
    Oh—oh no. Oh dear. Please, ladies, gentlemen, avert your eyes. We’ve jinked into the pine grove which is used principally for defecation. That’s—oh dear … oh no … uh … oh goodness gracious me, that’s just … There are a fair number of little insects in the vicinity, and so the circa-1855 swift is rather drawn to—uh …
    Ah! We’re now rapidly approaching an area where—in the not-too-distant future—Ramakrishna will experience some of the most important moments in his