Free Love Is a State of Mind: Nobody's Life is Perfect by Sarah Catherine Knights

If we’d been unhappy or just drifting apart … anything … but there was no indication.  I keep wracking my brains to see if I missed something …”
    “Looking back, were there any strange occurrences – did he stay late at work or were there any unexplained phone calls?”
    “No, seriously … either I’m naive, or stupid … that’s why it’s been so awful, I think.  And if Adam’s right and she gets bored with him and chucks him out … well, I’m not having him back …ever.”
    “Really?”
    “No … he’s made his bed.  I’ve got to get on with the rest of my life now … whatever that is.”
    “Well, I’ll always be here for you, Anna, you know that.  Any time, day or night, just ring.”  She looked at her watch.  “I must go – I want to get through Bristol before the rush hour.”
    We walked together to the car park and said our goodbyes by the ticket machine.  As I walked towards my car and it flashed its indicators at me, I felt more alone than I’d ever felt in my entire life.
    Husband gone, son gone.  Just my black friend waiting for me at home.  I got in, turned on the radio, which was still on Radio One, at Adam’s insistence.  The loud, unrelenting jolliness of the DJ with his inane chat, managed to make me feel even more miserable than I already was.  I turned over to Radio Four and caught that programme where they discuss people’s lives who’ve just died.  Some amazing woman who did charity work into her eighties was being discussed.   As I listened to her life, she made me realise that I’ve got at least another twenty years of potential life to live (as long as I stay healthy) and I’ve got to go and live it.
     

Chapter Seven
     
    Since the day David left until now, I have had precisely three conversations with him.  You can imagine how strange this is for me.  The man I have lived with forever and discussed every aspect of my life with, has simply disappeared from my radar. 
    Obviously, when I was at school I saw him every day, but I didn’t have to speak to him.  I had to watch him: in assembly; wandering around the corridors and drinking cups of tea in the staff room, if he deigned to come out of his den.  Each time I saw him, my body would have the same reaction; my legs would shake and my heartbeat would quicken, as if I was in the first throes of love … but I think it was a physical reaction to his betrayal of me.  His mere presence made my body both angry and hurt and the end result was a feeling of sickness, nerves and hatred.  Whenever possible, I would walk away from him; I’d find any excuse to leave the staffroom or turn around in the corridor.  I’m sure everyone noticed, but I didn’t care – it was the only way I could cope.
    So, on the day I got a message, via my pigeon hole, to meet him in his office at 1.15 pm, it was with some trepidation that I knocked on the door.  I had considered not going at all – why should I obey his command and come running?  But then I realised I should go, even out of morbid curiosity.
    His distant Come In sounded monotone from the behind the wooden door; I opened it and he stood up.. “Hello, Anna – come in … take a seat.” 
    I closed the door quietly behind me and walked towards him, thinking what a weird situation this was.
    “What do you want?” I said, petulantly.  “Why have you summoned me to your office like this?  Couldn’t you just come round to the house, if you have something to say?”
    “I didn’t think you’d want me to …” he said, sitting down and looking sheepish.
    “Well, get on with it … whatever it is … I’ve got marking to do.”  I stared at him with as much contempt as I could muster.
    “ … I was just wondering … I was wondering if you were okay?” he said.
    “What?  You’ve got me in here …”
    “Anna … please … I worry about you and I wanted to know if …”
    “Look David … you lost the right to ask me anything, a week ago –