Free The Worm of the Ages and Other Tails: Six Short Fantasies by Tom Simon

people, whom Dr. Boudreaux massacred with glee. Other team members were acting in similarly wild and irresponsible ways. According to the time-stamp on the video, this activity broke up about 21:40, and the revellers sat down at a large table to rest for a moment.
    Just after 21:42, Dr. Pringle threw a jar of mustard at the wall, and when it broke, led the others in a chant: ‘It’s out! It’s out! The two-and-a-halfnium’s out!’ They responded in various hysterical fashions which, it would seem, were meant to signify the breakdown of civilization in the aftermath of total contamination. Shortly after this, they formed a conga line and danced about the room, singing to the tune of an old drinking song:
     
    ‘For tonight we’ll merry be,
    For tonight we’ll merry be,
    For tonight we’ll merry be,
    Tomorrow we’ll be ’sploded!’
     
    Further hijinks ensued, followed by another interval of rest. At 22:18, Dr. Pringle threw a jar of mustard at the wall, and when it broke—
    It is my fault entirely that I did not immediately recognize the significance of this action. The time-stamp on the monitor was still current and correct – but the video itself was repeating the events of half an hour before. As soon as I realized this, I proceeded to the cafeteria with all speed.
    It was deserted, of course. I have not yet determined how the team members hacked into the security system, but it is obvious that they did so. Under cover of the video loop, they had left the cafeteria and moved to another room – masked, I supposed, by another hacked video track showing that the room was empty.
    After a hurried search, I found the entire team in the office supply room, squatting in a circle around the light of Dr. Metharom’s emergency torch. ‘You can stop playing hide-and-seek, Doctors,’ I told them. ‘Follow me.’
    We returned to the cafeteria. ‘It would be best,’ I told them, ‘if you told me voluntarily what you were doing in there.’
    ‘You don’t know?’ said Dr. Xi. ‘Good.’
    ‘Not a helpful attitude, Doctor.’
    ‘Neither is yours. If you want to know, we’ve decided to make a formal complaint. We want you off this site, and the surveillance stopped.’
    ‘Come, come. We don’t spy on our research teams.’
    Dr. Xi answered with a mirthless laugh. ‘Of course not. And we didn’t hack the cameras that you don’t do it with. We’re not idiots, Doctor.’
    ‘You are showing dangerous signs of mental instability.’
    ‘Who would be stable in this nuthouse? We’re not allowed to leave the grounds – security. We’re not allowed visitors – security. No outside news links – security.’
    ‘Necessary measures.’
    ‘I agree. What’s not necessary is this constant game of cat and mouse. We are professionals: the best in our field.’
    ‘The best in any field,’ said Dr. Levko.
    ‘We don’t need a nanny watching our every move; still less a twisted nanny who denies that we are being watched. And you have the stones to call us crazy. I suppose it’s what your department asked for, eh? If anybody makes trouble, zip them off to a nice quiet hospital. Call it paranoid schizophrenia, or whatever clinical bull you’re using these days. Much easier than sacking us. Sedated men tell no tales.’
    ‘Really, Dr. Xi! A well-adjusted person—’
    ‘In this place, a well-adjusted person would go batty in a week. We can stand it because we were already crazy. But not crazy enough to work under your microscope. We want you out.’
    ‘Out of the question,’ I said. ‘Departmental policy—’
    ‘Requires that the work gets done,’ said Dr. Xi. ‘Call it a quantum problem. The presence of the observer changes the thing observed. You can let us work without being observed, or you can observe us not working. Take your choice.’
    All the team members gave their assent to this ultimatum. I therefore judged it best to send a full report to the Institute, and until your response is received,