Free Fat Chance by Brandi Kennedy

lounging on my couch, and I've just told them about being in therapy. I've told them why I'm in therapy, how low I really got and how much it scared me.
     
    They've listened quietly, just like I asked them to, which means I had enough time to reassure them and tell them how much I think I've grown, and how much the doctor's new strategies are helping me. For a minute or so, the line is silent, and I hold my cell phone out, waiting for it to light up so I can check the screen. The call timer is still going, and I haven't accidentally muted the call; I wait, lying back against an old purple throw pillow that Janet gave me as a housewarming gift.
     
    "Oh my goodness, Cass!" Renee finally exclaims, and her voice is wobbly. "I can't believe it was that bad. Oh my goodness, why didn't you tell me, honey?"
     
    "Me too," Chelsea says, but she's quiet and I can tell that I've hurt her. In telling them the truth now, I've clued them in to the fact that I felt I couldn't tell them certain things before.
     
    "I'm sorry, you guys. I just, I don't know. I just have been unhappy about things for a long time, and I felt like you guys wouldn't get it because you guys haven't been through this kind of thing before. And I haven't told Janet, so please, don't tell her either okay? I just don't want her to know at all. I think it would hurt her, to feel like --"
     
    "Like we do?"
     
    "Aww, Chels. I’m sorry, I just felt like I couldn't tell anyone. Not anyone." Yanking the pillow from under my head, I press it to my face to muffle a groan as Renee chips in.
     
    "Obviously," she says. She's upset with me for upsetting Chelsea, who tends to be more fragile. Like me. And now, I'm wishing I hadn't told them at all. I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear their reactions to the rest of what I wanted to tell them, and I wonder briefly if I have any alcohol in the kitchen.
     
    "Well, if you guys can hold off on being mad at me for a while, I can tell you how it gets worse."
     
    "Oh my goodness," Renee mutters.
     
    Simultaneously, Chelsea says, “Oh God, worse?"
     
    Standing up, I resituate my twisted shirt, and walk into the kitchen. "Yeah, it gets worse. I think I'm kind of attracted to him. And I think maybe it's not one-sided."
     
    "You need a new therapist," Renee says, and she's speaking seriously. "I went into therapy after dad died, for a little while, and it was just really hard, letting out everything that I was feeling. I can't imagine how the dynamic would have been changed if there had been any sort of chemistry between me and my doctor."
     
    Now I see why she wasn't mad at me. She gets it; this isn't news to her because she's been there before, though it is the first time any of us have heard that Renee was in therapy. Still, that doesn't stop me from pouring a splash of vodka into a glass and topping it off with orange juice. I give it a swirl with my finger and take a sip.
     
    "Wow, guys. I'm kind of feeling on the outside of the loop here." Chelsea's usual cheer seems to be going downhill a bit, hearing that Renee has kept a little secret too.
     
    "Chelsea," Renee says, "it isn't you, you know that. I share everything with you; for goodness' sake, we're twins. And you know Cassaundra tells you everything too. It's just that therapy is, well, it's different."
     
    "Maybe I need therapy," Chelsea mutters, sarcasm letting us know that even though she understands, she isn't quite happy about us keeping things from each other. Renee laughs, and the conversation moves back to me getting hot and bothered whenever I'm in the office with sexy Mackenzie Caswell.
     
    "You know, what if it's just transference?" Renee asks. She's being gentle about it, but I have a feeling I'm not going to really like her question. "This sort of thing can lead to a lot of regrets, Cass. On both sides." And now I'm really glad I've made myself a drink. Taking another sip from the glass, I leave it on the counter and start unloading the few dishes in the