Free A Mother at Heart by Carolyne Aarsen

with me? Sondra is there. I’d love to see the look on her face when you show up.”
    Miriam shook her head. She would have liked to come, but Jake was there, as well. It would be better if she kept her distance. “I have a few other things to do. Thanks, though.”
    â€œYou said you’re staying around a while—we’ll have to make sure to connect again. Otherwise the church is having a picnic a week from this Sunday. You should come.”
    Miriam paused again, considering. Memories of other fun-filled days flashed through her mind. “That sounds good.”
    â€œGreat. Well, keep in touch. And we’ll see you on Sunday.”
    They left the restaurant, each going her separate way. Miriam watched Donna stroll down the street, waving at one person, stopping briefly to chat with another. For a moment she wanted to go with Donna. She wanted to be a part of that community.
    Don’t be silly. You don’t fit here anymore, she thought. She wondered if she should go to church onSunday, if she wanted to risk the very stares and censure that Donna had hinted at. She had enough self-doubts; she didn’t need to pile on any more.
    But she remembered other times in church, other times when she had felt peace, and joy and love. She felt a yearning to experience that again, that healing, that feeling that someone did care about her, about her soul. That she was important to God.
    She had strayed so far from that center of her life. She couldn’t help but think of how easy it had been to drift away, to get caught up in the vacuousness of the fashion world. And she had been such a major part of it—dressing up, acting, being fussed over.
    Seventeen years old, self-conscious, still smarting from Jake’s defection. What girl wouldn’t go a little crazy with all that attention, all those photographers telling her how beautiful she looked, all the admiration? But it was from people who saw her only as a face and figure.
    Miriam spun around and strode away from the café, wishing she could as easily leave parts of her past behind.
    Carl and his bright ideas, she thought. It would have been easier on her self-esteem and her conscience if she had just stayed out east and sold the farm from there. She never spent this much time moodling about might-have-beens. All her free time in the past few months had been taken up with bankers, phoning up suppliers to beg for extensions of credit, phoning up debtors to beg for payment.
    When one of her biggest customers went bankrupt, it had caused her problems. She might have been okay, but for a crooked accountant. Now, thanks tohim, she stood to lose her company, as well, unless she could come up with a substantial influx of cash.
    That accountant, Miriam thought with disgust. Another man who couldn’t be trusted. Her life seemed to be a series of men who didn’t want to stay with her, be loyal to her. That’s why it puzzled her that Jake could still tie her up in knots. He had only been the first of many men who didn’t seem to need her in the long run.
    She sped up, and this time made it all the way to the real estate office. She pushed the door open and stepped inside.
    Half an hour later she was back on the street. The papers were signed and the machinery had been put into place.
    Now what?
    Miriam emerged from the office and sighed, looking down the street. A few trucks drove by, a couple of cars. People greeted each other as they passed on the street. Everyone belonged here. They fit.
    She walked down the street until she found an empty bench and, wiping the moisture off it, sat down. She called Denny’s on her cell phone and arranged for them to bring her car downtown. Then, just to make a connection, she phoned Tilly. Maybe she needed some groceries.
    â€œThat would be wonderful, Miriam. I don’t dare leave Fred. He is feeling so listless, I don’t want to leave him alone.”
    â€œHe’s still not