Free Dying to Run by Cami Checketts

close to being a long ways from okay.
    “Jesse?”
    I stared at the hospital wall, unable to meet his gaze. “Haven’t seen him since the explosion.”
    “Explosion?”
    “Jesse rigged the ranch house to blow so he could kill Ramirez, Panetti, Damon.” I lifted my hands. “We think Ramirez escaped in one of the planes, but Jesse killed his dad, Damon, and a whole ton of other men.”
    “Good man.”
    I jerked to stare at him. “Good man? He killed a lot of people.”
    Sham nodded. “A lot of people who were selling, torturing, and often murdering human beings.” Sham held my gaze until I had to look away. He was right, but it still made me sick. “The problem isn’t those men dying,” Sham continued, “From what Nathan has told me you want to stop trafficking as much as any of us. The problem is you love Jesse Panetti and you want him to be this perfect man, which none of us can be.”
    I closed my eyes, but all I could see were Jesse’s sculpted features. I missed him and it had only been one day. “Who told you I love him?”
    “It’s all over your face.”
    “I’m not sure I can love him after what he did.”
    He nodded. “We all make sacrifices to protect the children. Jesse did what he had to do. You don’t understand. We live in a different world than you. A world of kill or be killed. A world where we are sworn to protect the children at all costs. But no matter how it bothers you, Jesse did the right thing, the noble thing in my eyes.”
    I stared. Sham was right. These men were at war. What did I know about the battle against human trafficking? I admired them for what they were doing. I thought about that cute little boy Jesse had protected from the guard. The children were worth any sacrifice, but my image of Jesse had been shattered. I’d idealized who he was and what his mission was. I felt let down and nauseous. Could I love this new Jesse, this violent, killing Jesse? I didn’t know yet.
    “You’re right,” I admitted when the silence had stretched on for too long, “it’s hard for me to understand.”
    “Ah.” Sham nodded, his dark eyes solemn as they swept over my face. “That is because of your innocence.”
    “You mean stupidity, naivety, lack of exposure to the big, bad world you live in.” I gnawed at the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. I didn’t like being labeled as innocent when that wasn’t really what he meant.
    Sham clucked his tongue. “No, you are wrong, Miss Cassidy. Your innocence is beautiful. When I say you’re innocent, I mean you are honest and pure. You are the sweet and fun Cassidy I’ve heard so much about. Even Damon was drawn in by your light. Never make fun of that. We all need softness and innocence such as you possess and see it far too little.”
    Unsure how to respond, I simply nodded my thanks and clutched my hands together. It was nice that someone thought my “innocence” was beautiful. I just felt dense most of the time.
    Sham studied me for a while before saying with his soft accent, “I let Damon kidnap you.”
    “When you get shot and pass out from lack of blood, I give you an official ‘stop blaming yourself card.’”
    He stared at me again. “You do not understand. I am bound to protect you.”
    I leaned away, slamming my back into the hard chair. “Bound? Don’t you think that’s a little . . . Robin Hoodish?”
    His eyebrows dipped together. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, Cassidy.”
    I cringed at the way he kept saying my full name. Jesse used it much too often. “Okay, first of all, it’s Cassie.”
    “Cassie.” He nodded and smiled.
    “And second, you don’t need to be bound to me.”
    He shook his head. “You don’t understand what this means. First, I am bound to protect the children of my home. Second, I am bound to protect Nathan Christensen, your father, who is the protector of children everywhere.”
    “Huh? I thought he just helped out in Mexico.”
    “No. Your father came to