Free Dying to Run by Cami Checketts Page B

I pulled away from him, folding my arms across my chest, and studying the clean, white wall.
    Jesse sighed. “What’s bothering you the most?”
    I focused on him. “You murdering all those men, killing your own dad, almost killing my Nana, Carlos telling me about all the women chasing you, finding out you were a drunk driver and killed a girl in college.”
    Jesse flinched as if my words were physically assaulting him.
    I couldn’t look at him anymore. “I might not be so bothered if you were more bothered.”
    Jesse moved to touch me. I backed away. He moaned in frustration. “And we’re in a worse position than we were last time in this hallway.”
    I stared, saying nothing.
    “Of course it all bothers me, Cassidy. Do you think I’m so hardened to death and dying that I’m not sick about what I had to do?”
    I shrugged. “I really don’t know what to think.”
    “Well believe me, it more than bothers me.” He moved a step closer. “You know I didn’t intend for Nana to get hurt, and I think when you have some time to think you’re going to realize that blowing up that house saved many lives and made a huge difference for the children. Sham and your dad would both tell you I did the right thing.”
    I didn’t know how to respond. Sham and my dad had both already given their approval of Jesse, but they lived in an alternate reality as well. The bomb might have been the right thing, it might have saved thousands of children from becoming slaves, for which I would be forever grateful, but the fact of the matter was that Sham was right, I loved this man, and the fact that he could kill people and blow up his own father was a bit disturbing to me. Even if it was for an important cause and that father was a twisted sicko.
    “You learning about my past is a nightmare,” Jesse said.
    “So you never wanted me to find out?”
    He shook his head. “Not really, but I would’ve told you.” He cocked his head to the side. “Don’t give me that look, Cassidy, I would’ve told you, but not like that. It was too much to deal with at the wrong time and I’m still trying to deal with it myself.” He drew in a long breath. “There’s nothing I can do to change it now, but I promise you it will never happen again.”
    I considered this for a minute before nodding. He couldn’t change a mistake he made years ago. If I could forgive the man who killed my grandparents driving drunk, I could find a way to forgive Jesse.
    I tried to resist, but found myself asking a completely shallow question, “What about all the women?”
    “Women do come onto me.” He shrugged like he wasn’t sure why they came onto him and he didn’t know how to make them stop. It was obvious to me why they pursued him. I couldn’t fault their taste, but the jealousy was eating at me.
    “But I am not a womanizer and I have never felt about any woman the way I feel about you.”
    I watched him, knowing in my gut he was telling me the truth. My entire body tingled because of the way he’d emphasized that last phrase. “Sham explained to me that you’re like this noble warrior who has to fight for what’s right.”
    Jesse ducked his head. “Warrior works, but noble is definitely wrong.”
    “Why?”
    He clenched his fist. “If I was noble I would probably be consumed with grief for killing those men, but I feel . . . justified. I don’t like to kill, Cassidy, but I know what I did was the right thing to do.”
    I nodded, actually understanding his reasoning, a small part of me actually agreeing that it was the right thing.
    “If I was noble, I’d leave you alone.” He flung a hand in my direction. “Look at you, you’re beautiful and innocent and—”
    “Okay,” I interrupted, clasping my hands together. “Everybody needs to ease up on my innocence. Am I really just clueless and you’re all trying to make me feel good?”
    Jesse actually smiled, despite the turmoil in his eyes. “No, but maybe innocent is the wrong word.”