Free Scary Dead Things - 02 by Rick Gualtieri

province of China would give me cause to dwell too much on her. Unfortunately, everything else fell into the bad category. The trip was a twenty-plus-hour nightmare of transfers, starting at LaGuardia ( or as I like to think of it, Satan's airport ) and ending in Beijing. However, I needn't have worried about being stuck in the middle row between two fatties or next to a screaming kid for the entire trip. No, because I was luggage.
     
    * * *
     
    Did I say luggage? No, luggage would be too kind. After a whirlwind packing job, including making sure my iPod was charged ( no way was I flying in the cargo hold for almost an entire day without some tunes ), I managed to convince Ed to give me a late night drop-off. This did not put him into a good mood. If you've ever driven to LaGuardia, you know what I mean. It's like the state of New York purposely decided to make one of their major transportation hubs as big of a clusterfuck as humanly possible. So after lots of twists, turns, and exit-only lanes, we finally managed to crawl through traffic to our destination. Things were bad enough, and it was eleven PM. I could only imagine the insanity of doing this at rush hour.
     
    As per Sally's instructions, Ed dropped me off at a small private terminal. He gave me an annoyed growl as way of saying goodbye before driving off. The windows of the terminal were opaque, although whether this was purposeful or just layers of grime, I couldn't tell. The doors were also locked from the inside. I stood there looking confused for about ten minutes. I was just starting to pull my cell phone out to call Sally when finally I heard a click. The doors opened. Beyond them was a figure silhouetted by the light inside. It beckoned me forward. Creepy. But then again, I am a vampire. Creepiness kind of goes hand in hand with my life these days. I tried to conceal my nervousness and walked in, thoughts of all the various slasher flicks I had ever seen going through my mind.
     
    I needn't have worried. Vampire society isn't much different than ours once you get past the blood-sucking eternal creature of the night aspect of it. Sure, they liked to put forth a mysterious atmosphere, but I think that was just to impress the newbs. Once you got past all that, it was surprisingly mundane. Case in point, once I entered the building, it became obvious that this was just another private terminal. Small, spartan, and efficient. Once my eyes had adjusted to the light, I saw that my mysterious beckoning figure was just another vampire, a rather bored looking one at that. He was wearing business casual and holding a clipboard. As I entered, he said in a completely disinterested tone, “Close the door behind you and give me your paperwork.” Right there and then, any creep factor dropped to zero. I was just dealing with the undead equivalent of boarding check-in.
     
    I handed him some forms Sally had emailed over to me. He took a quick look and called back over his shoulder, “I need a box, a big one!”
     
    A few minutes later, a couple shambling figures carried out what looked to be an oversized shipping crate. It was about seven feet long by three feet wide, and maybe four deep. The figures carrying the crate were zombies. I had met some several months back. Apparently, they were the equivalent of general office staff to the vampires. Hmm, I wonder if they have a union. That wouldn't surprise me in the least.
     
    Anyway, the zombies placed the crate on the floor. One of them procured a crowbar, which he used to pry the lid open. The top off, I could see the box was empty, save for some straw padding at the bottom and some black felt lining the inside, no doubt to keep the sunlight out. Looking into it, I had a distinctly sinking feeling.
     
    “OK, get in,” said the bored vampire.
     
    “In there?” I asked.
     
    “You see any other box here?”
     
    “I thought I was supposed to be traveling in a coffin,” I replied. Either way, I wasn't exactly