Free Just Crazy by Andy Griffiths Page B

she’s too fast. She hands one to Eve.

    â€˜Whack him!’ she says.
    Eve whacks me in the leg with the bat.
    â€˜Ouch!’ I yell.
    Jemima whacks me on the bum.
    â€˜Take that, Mr Paddywhack!’ she squeals.
    Eve whacks me on the foot with the edge of the racquet.
    I’m getting out of here. I can’t take any more.
    I start running.
    They chase me.
    I run out of the lounge room, into the kitchen and down the hall. But I can’t shake them. They’re hot on my heels. I run back into the lounge room, through the kitchen and out into the hall again. I run around and around, trying to get away from them. They’re maniacs.

    I run so fast that I almost lap them. It’s hard to tell who’s chasing who.
    â€˜COME HERE!’ I roar.
    The girls look over their shoulders, startled to see me so close. They squeal. I lean forward and snatch the racquets off them.
    Fantastic! For the first time today something has gone my way!
    â€˜NOW I’VE GOT YOU,’ I yell, as we run down the hallway. ‘PREPARE FOR A WHACKING!’
    â€˜Andy! What on earth do you think you’re doing?’
    Mum is standing in front of us.
    When did she get home? I didn’t hear her come in.
    â€˜Help!’ screams Jemima.
    â€˜Help!’ screams Eve.
    They run to Mum and hug her legs.
    â€˜Save us!’ screams Jemima. ‘Andy’s gone crazy!’
    â€˜I haven’t gone crazy,’ I say. ‘They have!’
    â€˜What do you mean by dressing up and scaring the girls like this?’ says Mum, her arms around them, trying to comfort them. ‘I ask you to look after them and I come home and find you chasing them and threatening to hit them with tennis racquets!’
    "They were chasing me!’ I say.
    I can see Mum looking around the lounge room, taking in the destruction. The stool and the chair lying on top of the broken coffee table, the wrecked fan, and the chunks of ceiling all over the floor.

    â€˜I suppose you’re going to tell me all this is the girls’ fault as well?’ says Mum.
    â€˜Yes!’ I say. ‘It is. I tried to stop them. In fact I saved their lives.’
    Mum snorts.
    â€˜Don’t make it worse by lying,’ she says. She strokes the girls’ heads. ‘Are you all right? You poor darlings. What happened?’
    â€˜We were just trying to have our tea party,’ says Jemima, sniffling, ‘and he came into the kitchen and started bossing us around.’
    â€˜He wouldn’t let me play with my dolls,’ says Eve.
    â€˜But,’ I say. ‘She was . . .’
    â€˜Then he held us out of his bedroom window,’ says Jemima. ‘And he hurt my arm.’
    â€˜And he said rude words,’ says Eve.
    â€˜But,’ I say. ‘They were . . .’
    â€˜He left us on the roof!’ says Jemima.
    â€˜Not exactly,’ I say. ‘I was . . .’
    â€˜He swung on the fan and broke it!’ says Jemima.
    â€˜And he broke the table too,’ says Eve.
    â€˜No, I didn’t,’ I say.

    â€˜You did!’ says Jemina. ‘It was your fault.’
    â€˜Well, it was sort of my fault,’ I say, ‘but . . .’
    â€˜Then he dressed up as that scary man and chased us round the house,’ sobs Jemima.
    â€˜And he tried to hit us with tennis racquets,’ wails Eve.
    Gee. I’ve got to hand it to them. Those girls are the best truth-twisters in the world. They’re pretty good at fake crying too. They’re even starting to make me feel sorry for them.
    They’re standing there with their sweet innocent faces and big tear-stained eyes. I don’t stand a chance. There is nothing I can say. No way is Mum going to believe the real truth.
    Poor Mum. I feel sorry for her too.
    I think the full extent of the damage is beginning to dawn on her. She’s just staring into the lounge room, shaking her head.
    â€˜Andy, how could you?’ she says.