Free Seeing Daylight by Tanya Hanson

Then I think of all the things I could have said. Could have done. And didn’t. You know?”
    “Yes, I do know. I truly do know.” Brayton held out his arms, and Rachel felt no qualms, no guilt about finding herself tight in his embrace. Leaning hard against him, she swallowed tears as she listened to the thrum of his heart. Then she gathered the strength to raise her head from the folds of his jacket and eye him straight on. She loved the feeling of safety and comfort, but her spine skittered with a sense of danger, too. This wasn’t the right time. Her heart was better left guarded.
    “But I wonder…” She pulled away a bit and took a deep breath. For a long moment she fought to find the strength to mouth the words that had so often tormented her.
    “Wonder what?” Brayton’s arms tightened.
    “That maybe he wanted to die.” She spoke almost with no sound.
    Brayton’s breathing warmed the top of her head. “No, Rachel. It was an accident. That’s all.”
    “He was careless. I can’t get it out of my head sometimes. I just feel so lost.” Grief mixed with anger surged again through her veins, and now tied her words.
    “Hey.” Brayton let his lips linger in her hair. “I know how it is to be lost.”
    The bridal party came to the van, laughing and prattling.
    “Sometimes you find yourself not thinking straight. We’ll talk more back at the ranch,” he whispered in her ear and wiped a tear from her cheek.
     
     
     
     

8
     
    The taste of her hair lingered on his lips. Brayton longed for a real kiss and trembled deep down imagining the delight of Rachel giving one. Yet he accepted that she wasn’t ready. Without another word, they settled alone together in the back of the van, her head against his shoulder as if she really wanted it there.
    “You all right back there?” Charlene turned around to ask. “Why, Rachel, have you been crying?”
    “You lovebirds have a quarrel” Cricked chirped, but in a sweet way.
    Rachel started to smile, and Brayton felt a smidge of relief. “It’s all good,” she said. “My grandmother designed the altarpiece at church. I get emotional sometimes.”
    She hadn’t spoken anything untrue. Brayton laid his hand on her warm hair.
    “That thing was gorgeous.” Charlene sighed. “I do almost wish Kyle and I were getting married right here.”
    The van hit a rough patch in the road, jostling Rachel firmer against him. After a good laugh over their banged heads, the bridal party resumed their gabfest. However, Brayton and Rachel might well have been the only people in the world. Maybe it was the mountains guarding them like silver sentinels, or the hills wrapping them in a coverlet stitched with glowing fall trees. Maybe the high spires of pine raining peace down like fallen needles. Or maybe it was because she too was considering a move to Woodside Meadows. His heart pounded. They could be neighbors. More than neighbors. But now wasn’t the time to dredge up that possibility. He’d get it said sometime soon. Right now he had other things to say, and Rachel sure didn’t need his own plans muddying up her waters.
    They got back to Hearts Crossing way too quickly. He prayed he’d find the words to comfort her, and the thought almost had him chuckle. Pray? He who hadn’t seriously prayed in years. Of course he’d gotten the kids to church and Sunday school because Marianne would have wanted him to continue what she’d started. But his heart hadn’t been in it. Lately, though, Nate reaching the milestone of college, Brayton had realized the years were passing by. God knocking on the door to his heart wasn’t something he could ignore.
    And the vicar’s words this morning had certainly touched a nerve. God knows what is going to happen tomorrow, next week. Next month, next year. And no matter the outcome, He will care for us.
    And that mosaic…The peace, the closure encircled him again.
    The tiny bridesmaid piloted the van up the gravel drive underneath the