Free The Lie by Chad Kultgen

her and to talk to her about other things. I definitely don’t want to melt her with my dick.”
    “All of the things you’re mentioning have nothing to do with the second of truth. The cuddling and all that shit happens way after the second of truth. You only get a second before all of the concerns you’re burdened with on a daily basis come back to you and lock you back in the cage of who the world thinks you are, not who you really are. And the world tells you that you love Heather, that you should want to cuddle with her, that you should want to stroke her hair, that you should want to make her happy, et cetera.”
    “Do you ever listen to yourself? You’re fucking insane.”
    “You’re the one who got tricked into thinking he’s in love. Fuck, into even thinking love is fucking real and not a lie that women have tricked most poor bastards into believing.”
    “So are you going to throw a homecoming party or not?”
    “If the next time you blow a load you remember to really focus on that second immediately after, really think about what you want, what you think about Heather, what you think about women in general during that second, then yes, I’ll throw a party so you can fall deeper into a hopeless pit of self-delusion.”
    “You just told me you think your dick’s a flamethrower. You have no room to talk about self-delusion.”
    “Do we have a deal? You’ll think about what you really feel for Heather the next time you blow a load and I’ll throw the party in return?”
    “It’s the most bizarre deal ever, but it’s a deal.”
    After that conversation with Brett, I went back to McElvaney, to my room, and saw that Dave wasn’t around. I had been thinking about the second of truth the entire time I walked back, and I didn’t know where Brett heard about it or how he came up with it, and as insane as it sounded, I was curious. So I jerked off, and in the second after I came I really tried to think about Heather and how I felt. It was weird. Brett was right, everything did seem to make more sense, to be more clear. What I thought in that second was that I loved Heather more than any girl I had ever met or would meet. I didn’t know it then, but I was completely fucked.

chapter eleven
     
    I got this text from Kyle saying he had something really important to tell me and I should come up to his room like as fast as possible. When I got up there he told me that he didn’t just get us into a homecoming party, he got us into one that was being thrown by Brett. I almost passed out. Seriously, that was probably the closest to being in love with Kyle that I had ever been up to that point. So I was like, “I love you,” but I wasn’t really sure that I actually did. I was just really happy and I knew it was something that he probably wanted to hear. Then he was like, “I love you, too,” and he really did mean it. I could tell. I knew he was going to want to talk about our relationship and being exclusive and everything if we both supposedly loved each other, but I didn’t really want to get into all of that with him and his weird roommate was gone, so I just blew him right there before he could say anything. I let him finish in my mouth, and then I asked him if Annie could come to Brett’s party and he said she could. I was so excited. I actually invited a few other girls from some of my classes who seemed cool and who had told me they were going to be rushing after Christmas. I figured Brett wouldn’t care.
    I don’t even remember who SMU was playing or anything. I don’t really like football and I don’t see why anyone does really. Other than people talking about the game, the party was literally the best party I had ever been to, up to that point.
    We got there like thirty minutes after it started because I didn’t want us to be the first ones there, even though Kyle was like, “Brett’s my best friend. It doesn’t matter if we show up four hours early. He’s not going to care.”