I hadnât been able to look her in the eye for many years for her bedroom was on the other side of the wall to mine and when I was fourteen she took me aside on the street and said that she could hear everything I was doing in there when I went to bed, that I was a filthy little so-and-so and if I didnât stop Iâd go blind and sheâd tell my mother the reason why. It made me happy to see how wrinkled her face had become.
âIt comes for us all, doesnât it?â she said.
âWhat does?â I asked.
âDeath.â
âI suppose so,â I replied. âIt might be your turn next.â
âOr yours,â she said. â
Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour
. Matthew. Chapter 25. Verse 13.â
âThatâs a cheerful thought,â I said.
âI suppose youâll be selling the house now?â she asked anxiously.
âI hadnât given it much thought,â I said. âIâll have to speak to Audrey, of course. It belongs to both of us.â
âYou wonât be letting it out, will you?â
âI donât know,â I replied. âAs I said, that is a conversation which has yet to take place.â
âDo you remember William Hart, Mrs Hartâs son from number thirteen?â
âI do,â I said. âVividly.â William Hart was a tough little bastard who had bloodied my nose on more than one occasion during my formative years and, at my tenth birthday party, had threatened to urinate in my ear if I didnât give him my brand-new Spirograph. He had a dog, an incredibly violent mongrel that answered to the name of Princess Margaret-Rose, who was mortal enemies with my own dog, Chester, although they did, of course, occasionally fornicate with each other. Not too different to humans in that regard, I suppose.
âWell, when she died, William rented the house out.â She glanced around in case she might be overheard and lowered her voice as she pulled me so close that I could see the dusty moustache that rested above her upper lip. âTo a Pakistani family, if you please,â she told me. âTheyâre very nice, of course. Iâd have nothing bad to say about any of them but still. You wouldnât do something like that, would you?â
âWhen Audrey and I decide,â I assured her, âyou will be the first to know.â
âThank you,â she said, apparently relieved by this assur ance. âOf course Iâm not racist,â she added. âYou know that, Pierce, donât you?â
âI do, of course.â
âI just donât like Pakistani people. Or Indians. Or Sri Lankans. Or anyone from that part of the world, if Iâm honest.â
âI understand,â I said, although I didnât.
âYou know, heâs one of them now.â
âWhoâs one of what?â I asked, confused.
âWilliam Hart,â she told me. âHeâs one of them.â
âHeâs a Pakistani?â I asked. âHow on earth did he manage that?â
âNo, donât be ridiculous,â she said, slapping my arm and laughing. âHow could that ever happen? No, heâs a homosexual.â She lowered her voice even more so it was almost a whisper. âDonât say anything. It wouldnât be fair on him.â
Arthur had come to the end of his song by now and I could see him walking towards me with two glasses of champagne in his hands, a curious choice I thought for a wake.
âMrs Burton,â he said, smiling at her. âI canât believe youâre still alive.â
âOh you!â she said, blushing like a schoolgirl.
âMrs Burton was just telling me that William Hart is a Pakistani now,â I said.
Arthur frowned and scratched his face, as if he felt there was a joke in there somewhere but he couldnât get to the bottom of it.
âIâll love you and leave you,â said