Free Commanding Heart by Madeline Evering

certainly. As you wish,” he said kindly.
“But I insist on checking in regularly to see how you get on!” “Of course,”
Catherine said as she got to her feet and led her uncle to the door. He gave
her a gentle pat on the cheek and left her alone with her thoughts once more.
Catherine closed the door firmly behind Matthews and rested her head against
its hard surface: After a storm like this, how did one begin again?

Chapter XI
    For the next two days, Catherine
remained alone in her cabin. Lieutenant Matthews was in agony throughout,
cursing himself to all and sundry for not better caring for his niece. Word of
Matthews’ distress came to Catherine through Tom Foster, who had also taken it
upon himself to check on Catherine at regular intervals. Catherine felt deeply
ashamed for causing her uncle such distress. If she had only herself to worry
about, Catherine would have continued the remainder of the journey in this
self-imposed exile. But the sight of Matthews’ anxious, self-recriminating face
at each visit was too much for Catherine to bear. She would have to leave the relative
peace of her cabin and prepare to encounter the captain once more.
    The next morning, Catherine arose knowing
there was no further excuse for staying below. Despite her extreme desire to
remain hidden, she knew the only way to conquer disturbing thoughts about
Captain Knight was to return to her former occupations. She would resume her
sketching, continue her sessions with the officers, and attend the captain’s
table for supper as before. The thought sent a chill throughout her body but she
knew there was no other course of action. Catherine could not avoid him for the
entire journey; the ship was large but not large enough to hide in
indefinitely. As she readied for the day, Catherine struggled to meet her own
gaze in the mirror, for the face reflected back seemed that of a stranger. Her
eyes were wide and wariness lay in their depths. Catherine knew the change was
partly due to Knight’s actions, but in larger part it was due to her own
reaction to his advances. Her abandonment had been so total it shocked her to
the very core – it was as though in his arms she was another person entirely,
someone she no longer recognized. Catherine burned once more at the
remembrance, her face flushed with guilt. She forced herself to look at the stranger
in the mirror as she made a personal vow: she would remain composed; she would carry
on as though nothing had happened; and she would avoid all private contact with
Captain Knight, no matter what the cost.
    In keeping with her vow, Catherine
chose to dress simply in a plain cotton gown and a wide straw bonnet that would
attract as little attention as possible. She bravely set forth with her
sketchbook and pencils, leaving the security of her cabin to return to the main
deck. As soon as she reached the fresh air and sunshine of the morning,
Catherine felt better about her decision. She looked around cautiously,
however, to ensure the captain was not on deck, before choosing a spot far away
from his usual haunts on the quarterdeck. Catherine moved to the front of the Triton and settled in near the foremast to sketch once again. She had not been
long at her task when her uncle came up to her with great enthusiasm:
“Catherine!” he cried delightedly, “I just went to your cabin and found you
were out. How is the arm? Are you feeling yourself again?” Catherine gave him a
kind smile and said, “Indeed, uncle, I am quite well this morning” although she
still felt anything but herself. “Splendid!” Matthews cried, clapping his hands
with delight. “I was beginning to worry about you, as were we all. We talked of
little else at supper last night. The captain will be pleased to know you are
back on your feet.” Catherine started at his words: “The captain need not
trouble himself,” she replied stiffly; “all is well.” Lieutenant Matthews could
sense an undercurrent to her words, but in