Free Fifty Shades Of Sparkling Vampires With Dragon Tattoos That Play Starvation Games by Lacy Maran Page B

crushers of the world that we aren't afraid.
That we're going to stand up for what's right. That the American
people deserve better. And that we won't settle for anything
less."
    One small slow golf clap started at the
back of the courtroom. That led to more clapping. Then man got up
to cheer. Finally, the entire courtroom got up with rousing
applause. Sure it was hokey, but damn did it pull at everyone's
heartstrings.
    ***
    "So, you won again Noble. Just one down
home lawyer against a team of legal skeezoids," Sleazy admitted in
defeat.
    "You see Sleazy, you'll find that good
always triumphs in the end," Noble remarked.
    "You really don't read the news much,
do you?" Sleazy asked.
    "I'm sorry, but you'll have to excuse
me. I have a kitten to save from a tree," Noble said, running
headfirst into certain danger.
    The End.

 
     
    The Future Sucks (Even With
Aliens)
     
    "Who would've thought the future could
blow this much?" Stardepressed bemoaned, looking at a dystopian
landfill of a city at the fringes of the universe.
    "Go figure. Spaceships, flying cars,
and teleporters don't fix everything in society," Spacebummer
replied, looking at the once sleek city that had been reduced to a
cesspool.
    "Maybe it's humanity that's the
problem," Stardepressed continued.
    "There you go, talking like a
cautionary tale again," Spacebummer added. "To be fair to your
point though, aliens did try and turn us into space
mulch."
    "Right. Because society never had any
problems until the Zerkathians came with vaporizers blazing. Hey,
remember when we invented robots to do everything for us but wipe
our asses?"
    "Your bot didn't wipe your ass for
you?" Spacebummer added, completely missing the point. "Though we
probably shouldn't have made those robots stronger than a herd of
stampeding rhinos."
    "Well, if it isn't robots or aliens
getting us down, it's the autocratic government."
    "Who knew bureaucracy could be such a
bitch?"
    "Maybe all those naysayers about the
perils of too much technology were right?"
    "Or maybe you've just been through too
many intergalactic wars."
    "You know what, I'm tired of moping and
bitching about wildly repressive future governments. Let's time
travel."
    ***
    "It turns out there's plenty of wildly
repressive governments in the past as well," Stardepressed said,
having time traveled to an alternate medieval style Europe
populated by orcs, dragons, elves, and immensely questionable
hygiene.
    "I don't get the big deal with suits of
armor. I'm sweating like a sumo wrestler in a sauna here,"
Spacebummer said.
    "Damn, that B.O. could knock out a
small village. Take thee to a bath, dude."
    "Are you kidding? No one bathes around
here. I mean hell, I just pooped into a hole. Welcome to the Middle
Ages."
    "Yeah. The past is pretty different.
Those castles are drafty. Not to mention wicked dark and infested
with rats. There's lots of parables around these parts
though."
    "Yeah. Like maybe we really never learn
from the past."
    "Uh dude, we're in the
past."
    "I mean in the future we never learned
from this past." Spacebummer furrowed his brow. "You know what?
Let's just go kill something."
    ***
    "Damn, these revolutions are hard work.
I should could use a kung fu robot to do this fighting for me, even
if the cyber bugger did try to turn on my later," Spacebummer said,
after an epic bloody battle.
    "Don't get me wrong," Stardepressed
insisted. "Putting some dead orc heads on spigots makes my inner
geek all warm and tingly, but what good does it do to conquer an
evil army of green dudes only to have some British and French
dickward tyrant treating you like you're nothing more than human
collateral?"
    "That might be a little too much moral
intrigue to process considering I almost had my nut sack impaled by
a spear only ten minutes ago."
    "Well, I say we go to the tavern, knock
back some ol ye pints, then start the enlightenment era a few
hundreds years early," Stardepressed insisted.
    "I'm definitely down for getting
blitzed. I'm