Free Fifty Shades Of Sparkling Vampires With Dragon Tattoos That Play Starvation Games by Lacy Maran

night
before).
    Finally James snuck his way into his
bosses office and started snooping around for super classified
conspiracy info. Luckily, there was a file right in the front of
his bosses cabinet labeled "super classified conspiracy info." But
when James looked inside, he couldn't believe what he saw. James'
boss wasn't just some evil kingpin. He was working for the most
evil of kingpin's--the "I can't believe he's been pretending to be
dumb all this time when in reality he's a genius" Vice
President.
    That was the kind of knowledge that
could get someone killed. And as James' boss Trevor Turncoat came
back to his office with a gun drawn on James, that someone to get
killed looked at lot like James.
    "Well well well, if it isn't the guy I
double crossed and pegged for dead earlier," Trevor
said.
    "Why are you doing this?" James
asked.
    "Who cares? You're going to be so dead
in a minute anyway," Trevor added.
    "Wait. But aren't you going to give me
some long drawn out speech about why the world turned you into an
evil hate monger?"
    "Nah. I think I'll just kill you now
and pin the conspiracy on you. I have a tuna sandwich in the break
room that could spoil any minute."
    "Guess I'll just have to pull out my
super secret escape plan then," James insisted.
    "And what's that?" Trevor
asked.
    "If I told you, it wouldn't be secret
anymore."
    "Oh come on, you don't seriously expect
me to believe you're going to improbably manage to escape, do
you?"
    "Hey Trevor, is that Agent Distraction
eating your tuna sandwich?" James asked, pointing towards the
door.
    But when Trevor looked over to the
door, he realized he'd been faked out, fifth grader style. By then,
James bull rushed him. A bad ass melee ensued. Punches were thrown,
names were called, and feelings were hurt. Oh yeah, and James
won.
    In the melee, Trevor got knocked out,
leaving James to sneak out an open window with the evidence he
needed. Soon James leaked the evidence to the press, and watched on
tv as Trevor and the Vice President were arrested. James meanwhile
sat on a beach in the tropics sipping on a drink with a plastic
umbrella in it, thinking about what new trouble to get into
next.
    The End.

 
    The Noble Lawyer vs. The Evil
Corporation (Remarkably Not A Fable)
     
    Damn, it was hard being a noble lawyer
running around and taking down multinational corporations, yet
still managing to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home. Every
once in a while though you just had to serve a wake up platter of
justice a crooked CEO. And Noble Knight was just the improbably
idealistic litigator to do it. He was honest, virtuous, and pro
bono as hell (which in the land of attorneys, meant he was pretty
much a figment of some metaphor-writing authors imagination).
Still, life wasn't all idealism and shining armor for Noble. He had
a nervous bladder and the opposing counsel staring at him peeing
over at the next urinal.
    "I'm just going to warn you now to drop
this case," Sleazy Von Nomorals said in the courthouse restroom.
"Otherwise awful things are going to start happening to
you."
    "You mean like you standing
uncomfortably close to me as I try to pee?" Noble asked.
    "By the way, we have pills for that
sort of problem."
    Noble glared a defiantly virtuous
glare. "I'm not going to stop until justice is served--preferably
with scrambles eggs and a side of hash browns."
    "You honest little fart. You are a
disgrace to the legal community with your impeccable morals and
gumption. But you've been warned, so if a tiny car filled with
clowns shows up on your doorstep with pies and seltzer bottles, I
suggest you back off this case before it gets real
ugly."
    "How ugly?" Noble asked.
    "The pharmaceutical company might just
put a life sized cutout of your ex wife on your lawn."
    "Oh, you are so evil."
    ***
    "Ladies, gentleman, and sasquatch of
the jury, I am here today to prove that the Crookedashell
Pharmaceutical Company is in no way at fault for one of our
erection pills causing Mr.